I haven't been on here in a while, but wanted to encourage those currently in the trenches! I have been around here since 2010.
At first I tried to use the tools and make it work. He encouraged me to give up my business and be a stay-at-home mom to our two small children. In 2014 I realized it was not going to work after he bruised my 3 yo son and left with the children and stayed with my mom temporarily at her 55+ community until I could get a job. He hired a lawyer and filed for 50/50 custody on his terms. I had no lawyer and no money so I was forced to agree. In my state if you do not have a permanent physical address you are considered homeless and the other parent gets automatic custody. It was his 50/50 agreement or lose custody.
Soon after that I found out I was pregnant so went back to try to make it work (and not have to give up my newborn to 50/50 custody). I stayed until the baby was 1 1/2, but due to escalating drinking and abuse to me and the older children I left again and got a free lawyer through legal aid. I got what I paid for
I had pictures of bruising on myself and the children and a detailed journal, but found the court here only accepts legal proof - police, medical, etc. Everything basically stayed the same except I was charged with contempt of court for not allowing the children to go to visitation when he was on a drinking binge (there was no 'legal proof' he was drinking). The guardian ad litem said I told the children what to say (he has since apologized and said he was wrong). That trial was one of the worst days of my life. The judge said I was the abuser for withholding visitation and his 50/50 agreement continued.
As soon as that ended in late 2016 he sued me for our car. He is blind and doesn't drive and I provide all visitation transportation. We weren't legally married, but the car was jointly owned. I bought him out.
In September of 2018 the children returned from a visit with welts and bruises on their legs from a beating with a fiberglass dowel. I took them to child services who said they were going to do a full investigation. They sent me to the police who told me to get a child protection order until they figured out what was going on. Family services lost the case internally and then dropped it after the caseworker quit in the middle of it all. Prosecutor says the abuse was not bad enough to win in court so drops charges. I dropped the protection order and visitation resumed.
He then sued me for full custody, child support, contempt of court, etc. In the meantime, I have a decent job, bought a house, and have been working every minute my children are with him and saving every penny I can. I hired the best family lawyer in my county. She says she can stop him. I had a glimmer of hope! A new judge is brought in from another county and a guardian ad litem from the city is hired (we live in a rural area with an old boy network, so this was good news!). What a scary two years ending in two full days of court. He roasted himself on the stand in so many ways! He vehemently denied the abuse the children reported while his witnesses testified how honest the children were. The judges ruling will put a stop to his litigation and gave me final say in everything!
I honestly NEVER thought this would happen! I gave up hope so many times. I am glad I stayed strong until the end. It cost me $25,000 dollars. So sad and ridiculous! He spent $30,000. I now have hope that my children will be OK. He has refused to allow them to go to counseling all along, but he can't stop it now. It was ordered by the court.
I hope this is an encouragement! Do not give up on yourself or your children. I never dreamed I could have such a great life! Thank you to those here who have encouraged me along the way and those who have shared their struggles. I think of you all often and am appreciative of you willingness to share!
