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How to communicate after a contentious divorce... Following a contentious divorce and custody battle, there are often high emotion and tensions between the parents. Research shows that constant and chronic conflict between the parents negatively impacts the children. The children sense their parents anxiety in their voice, their body language and their parents behavior. Here are some suggestions from Dean Stacer on how to avoid conflict.
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Author Topic: I shouldn’t be surprised since pwbpd follow the same patterns  (Read 278 times)
icntblvethis

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up
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« on: December 14, 2020, 09:40:04 AM »

Holy smoke. The OPs situation sounds exactly like mine. I shouldn’t be surprised since pwbpd follow the same patterns. But it’s still shocking.

Mod note: This post was split from the following thread: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=286953.0;topicseen
« Last Edit: December 16, 2020, 12:42:31 AM by once removed » Logged
HopelessBroken
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Posts: 128


« Reply #1 on: December 14, 2020, 10:51:40 AM »

I know, I thought the exact same thing. Jenna and I could have been dating the same person. That was 5 years ago, I wonder how things turned out for her.
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brighter future
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
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Relationship status: Broken up
Posts: 194


« Reply #2 on: December 14, 2020, 03:49:17 PM »

My nearly two year relationship with my uBPD ex-g/f involved no recycles, however, there was lots of push/pull behavior and some ghosting involved during the relationship.  Quite often she told me that she was afraid I was going to leave her and never return, and other days she would say she looked in the mirror and had no idea why I even wanted her.

I also used to get this statement fairly often from her: "I just don't have the (mental) energy to talk to you or see you today." More than likely this was her fear of engulfment kicking in, and usually I'd hear from her or see her the next day then it would be like nothing ever happened. A week prior to the day that she discarded me, she started devaluing me over the telephone and was angry because I wouldn't propose to her. Before we hung up, it was like she flipped a switch then said, "Don't lose any sleep over this. Little to none of what's bothering me has anything to do with you."  A week later she showed up at my house and told me she was breaking up with me because she was tired of waiting on a marriage proposal, then said "you do nothing but drag me down." We talked on and off a handful more times over the next week or so, and received a text from her in the middle of the night saying "I miss you so much." A few days later she texted me to say that she had went out on a car date with the man she was sleeping with after she left her ex-husband. It was very obvious that this was being rubbed in my face. I have no doubt that this guy will meet a similar fate with her again sooner or later, and I'm sure that she's probably talking to a handful of other prospects. Rarely does she ever find anyone new, she just recycles old flames.

She's still with this guy today, but I've heard from her 4 or 5 times since September after  4.5 months of NC started by me. Three to four weeks ago, I had a quick in person visit from her while I was outside, which was very awkward. All I could muster was a quick "hello, how are you?" That contact set me back a bit in my healing from the loss of the relationship. Right now things are a little bit tough but not terrible due to the holidays coming up. A few days ago I came across the Christmas group photo that she and I took together on 12/17/19 with our children from our previous marriages. That was a happy time period last year, this year not so much.

I want wish all of you a happy and peaceful  holiday season with lots of healing.
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brighter future
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« Reply #3 on: December 15, 2020, 12:33:13 PM »

I forgot to add that the honeymoon phase with my ex-g/f lasted approximately 5 months before I really started to see significant emotional issues and frequent push/pull behavior. She always assured me this behavior wasn't because of me and that they were as a result of her issues. As I said in my post above, that changed at the discard when she said "you do nothing but drag me down."
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icntblvethis

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up
Posts: 7


« Reply #4 on: December 15, 2020, 04:38:20 PM »

I’m sorry, they’re just so effed up it’s unbelievable.

I honestly think if I’d never gone through this experience with a pwbpd I wouldn’t believe people who act like that really exist.
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Lucky Jim
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Posts: 6144


« Reply #5 on: December 16, 2020, 10:33:50 AM »

Hey icnt, You're right: there should be no surprise.  It's a cycle, for all of us who have been in a BPD r/s.  You can be having a great time with one's BPD SO when a storm cloud of emotion can arrive out of a clear blue sky.  It's impossible to predict when the next meltdown will occur, but sooner or later it's going to happen.  In my view the only lasting solution, sad to say, is to get off the roller coaster, which is an ordeal in and of itself.

LuckyJim

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