Teen daughter with BPD

[coramdeo]

My teen daughter lives with her dad. After many failed attempts to gain a peaceful relationship with her, I concluded it was more peaceful for us to live apart. I’m looking for how other parents deal with living or not living with their BPD teen.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

Welcome!
Sometimes it takes a village to raise a child and there is no shame in that.  When my son was 15  he had to go live with his  father, then go to therapeutic hospital, etc.     At the time I felt a lot of shame and heartache but in hind sight, it kept everyone alive ( my son was violent towards me even as a teen).   We were estranged for a couple of years when he refused to speak to me or allow visits.  I had to talk to him through his mental health team.  That was excruciating for me.   When he was in college he came back to my  home on breaks and then when he graduated he came back home for about 2 years until he got violent again. 
You are doing well by coming here as a step in building up your network.  I didn't know about this forum/ maybe it wasn't around back in 2009 when it all imploded in my son's/ my life. ( Actually, he wasn't diagnosed BPD then anyway).  What I had to do then was get my own therapist in order to cope.  I also had to cobble together a life , socialize with friends, find interests, etc.
Currently I also go to 12 step meetings such as Co dependents Anonymous and Nar- anon( son is into drugs too) to help me with detaching and keeping the focus on myself.  Also there is a library here of suggested readings such as " Stop walking on Eggshells" . 
 
Take a look around the forum, the drop down menus for different topics to familiarize yourself with this illness.  Please write back here as you have need- you are not alone.