My husband has BPD, he says he would seek help and educate himself on how to learn to cope better as well as better understanding his BPD.
However he has not done anything.. he blames me and tells me I need too.
He had been emotionally and verbally abusive.. to me regardless of mental health, it is wrong to treat someone this way.
He is my first love and I can’t imagine things not working out especially when everything has not been done to try and help and give up a chance.
I don’t know what to do.
Hi - and welcome...
And I am really sorry that you find yourself here, but I am happy that you have found us.
So... let's take a moment to really scope this all out, because I hear you saying that his marriage is important to you and the you love your husband. I am really sorry to hear that he is blaming you - lashing out it seems. That must be hard for you to process. Dealing with processing things that are thrust at us from people who are coping with a disorder is difficult because - well - they are dis-ordered. Literally, sometimes things make no sense.
So I am not wanting to flood you with a whole bunch of stuff. I have three quick questions which will help people interact with you.
1) Are you safe?
2) Do you have access to therapy to educate yourself about how to deal with everything. People in abusive situations, emotional or physical, should not really risk the self-help route. If you don't have access to therapy, sometimes there are non-profit organizations that reach out - particularly for women.
3) Do you have children and if yes, how old and are they safe?
Hang in there. If your husband is motivated to get help and follows through, just like anyone who suffers from something chronic, then things can get more manageable and good times are there to be had alongside the more challenging times.
Sometimes with men, the stigma around mental illness is so, so very strong that the thought of going in therapy is more stressful than anything else. Men, research shows, don't respond well to words like therapy, or mental illness. "Support" and "hard feelings" are better type terms. It is a really, really sad state of affairs about how low down the totem pole men's issues are when it comes to this kind of thing.
Hang in there.
Rev
