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Author Topic: Sorrowful and afraid  (Read 374 times)
Gizzi

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 6


« on: January 05, 2021, 12:38:20 PM »

I have read many post on this site I am quite amazed at the similarities . I have a 21 year old daughter with BBT, social anxiety disorder and panic attacks. Unable to hold down a job, and for the first time is seeing a therapist that she actually likes. She is the Loose Cannon as most bpt,s are. So many mood swings and different personalities. She is fixated on her health and her looks and will do anything to get the money to improve her looks. She has recently revealed to me that she has been selling her body for sex to get the money to do this. I'm completely devastated but I responded in a very calm manner she has paid a lot of money for injections under her eyes and Botox on her lips. She's definitely not living in reality, she uses marijuana or alcohol and Xanax to cope. I have urge to her since she was 14 with many suicidal attempts and cutting that she needs to give her medications for chance, but she is extremely inconsistent and lies a lot about therapy nighttime meds therefore I am not holding my breath hoping for any kind of improvement. For the first time she's actually seen a therapy she likes it's only been 3 weeks, still waiting for the DBT referral she got from her psychiatrist I feel like I'm constantly going around in circles with her                                                                     
    , I am a single mom who raised her and her older sister since she turned 14 and no longer wanted do be in her  alcoholic dad custody ( who happens to live with his parents to this day oh, I suspect he also has b p d) I remarried 8 years ago , and whether we have a very unique living situation because of the fact my husband cannot be around my daughter full-time based on all the events that has taken place in the past. It's best this way, because it keeps things much calmer than they would be. He has a house an hour away from my house, and we take turns being with each other. He comes my way about two to three times a week, and I go his way 2 to 3 times a week. I know this sounds a bit selfish, but it's the only way we can somewhat function with the situation. she tried to commit suicide three times when she was 14, she has cut herself up all over her legs and arms. Sometimes the drama is too hard for him to deal with. We had put her in a treatment facility for a little over a month during that period, but in my opinion it didn't help much oh, probably because she was so young and her brain was still developing at the time.      Anyways, I thought I would share some of my stories oh, but we all know there's so much to say   and nearly impossible to write it all down. I thank you all for your feedback in advance  , from a mother whose heart is just aching
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Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
Swimmy55
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Estranged
Posts: 809



« Reply #1 on: January 05, 2021, 06:31:25 PM »

Welcome and thank you for writing us!  I share your agony as a mother worried over the BPD child.  I am really glad she is going to therapy and awaiting DBT referral.  For your sanity I suggest having lowered expectations so as not to be too disappointed as BPD and therapy takes a while to "click".  I am glad you shared your living situation, because there is never a one size fits all answer to our particular BPD story.  I am very glad you and your family found a way that works . Meanwhile, are you doing anything to take care of you?  An example is I go to 12 step meetings for families such as Nar anon( my son has substance abuse issues with his BPD) .  It is free, online , convenient and teaches the principles of detachment .  Some of us also have our own therapy as well.   
We are glad you are including us in your network of healing.  You are not alone.  Please write back as you are able 
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beatricex
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 547


« Reply #2 on: January 05, 2021, 08:22:31 PM »

hi Gizzi,
Oh gosh, I'm sorry your daughter has decided to sell her body.  That is heart-wrenching.  Really, a lot of stories here pale in comparison, I mean, that is very dangerous.

Thank you for trusting us, and I hope that we can provide you some solace.

I'm glad your husband is supportive and you have found a creative solution, with regard to your living situation.

I am just now learning that there was sexual abuse on both sides of my family (both my husband's family and mine).  I am really not sure how to navigate it yet.  The offenders are long gone, but it seems we are left dealing with what's left, the shame and pain, I guess that's the only legacy they leave.  That and a lot of secrets.

I hear you and am here to listen.
 Virtual hug (click to insert in post)

b
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Sancho
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Posts: 706


« Reply #3 on: January 06, 2021, 04:50:12 PM »

Gizzi I am so, so glad that you and your husband have found a way to be together in all this. I think that situation is just wonderful.

You have been on such a painful journey for so long. I can tell that what you write is just the tip of the iceberg.

Like all those who come to this site, we carry an aching heart around with us all day, and all night and day after day. We are on high alert waiting for the next major issue that we have to deal with - and somehow we carry on.

Thank you for sharing with us. I woke up this morning with a feeling of dread - it is going to be one of those days here. When I came here and opened up your post, I knew once again that I was not alone.

I hope you get the same feeling when you come here.
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Gizzi

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 6


« Reply #4 on: January 06, 2021, 05:18:45 PM »

Thank you to all who responded to my post so quickly. I have learned that every day is a new day and not to dwell on what has happened yesterday. As i have  learned in analon (when i was going because of my ex alcoholic husband) that you  must take the situation one day at a time. I have  learned not to have high expectations only to be dissapointed later. I too have become quite numb but nevertheless , we must press on. Like you all, we have good days and bad. I really appreciate all the words expressed here. Things are reletavely calm at the moment with my daughter.Thank you again for your kind words. God  bless you all
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KBug
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: living together part time
Posts: 78


« Reply #5 on: February 09, 2021, 12:46:15 PM »

You mentioned that feel feel selfish for your living arrangement.  I hope you can work through this because you have to take care of yourself and your needs first.  This is not selfishness-this is helping yourself so that you have the emotional bandwidth to take care of others. Like others have said, I hope that you find additional ways to take care of yourself. Self care and boundaries will be really important in helping you find peace as well as being healthy enough to support your family.
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