Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 28, 2024, 03:37:15 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Things I couldn't have known
Supporting a Child in Therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder
Anosognosia and Getting a "Borderline" into Therapy
Am I the Cause of Borderline Personality Disorder?
Emotional Blackmail: Fear, Obligation and Guilt (FOG)
94
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Finding support  (Read 345 times)
Lisasue
Fewer than 3 Posts
*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: dating
Posts: 1


« on: January 05, 2021, 10:01:01 PM »

Hello, My daughter had three suicide attempts in the last 6 weeks and will not take medication, she is vegan and says she can cure herself with marijuana, diet and exercise although is so depressed she will not exercise and only wants to binge eat. I am overwhelmed with guilt and trying to talk to her when she is so fixated on something or blames me for her problems and depression. She is getting outpatient therapy since out of the hospital and has her first outpatient psychiatrist appointment tomorrow. It is hard to talk to her when she twists my words or adds things to the discussion that I never said to make it an insult toward her when it started out as a simple benign question or response to a question. I am just wanting to learn strategies and build up strength to be able to help her and set boundaries without her acting out. This is a new diagnosis for her, she has been depressed in the past but nothing like this where she has severe outbursts, crying and violent behaviors toward me. Thank you for any advice.
Logged
Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
PearlsBefore
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Confidential
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Family other
Posts: 420



« Reply #1 on: January 06, 2021, 09:48:09 AM »

It sounds like things have built up to a crescendo in your life with her, three attempts in six weeks is definitely alarming. It's good that she's getting outpatient care, from my understanding hospital psychiatrists dealing with outpatient suicides have a pretty good grasp on issues like BPD (is your daughter diagnosed btw?) so don't stress about her bad-mouthing you to the hospital or anything...they know not to put stock in BPD accusations of terrible caretakers, etc.

The best strategy to reduce the number of times she's triggered into a fit, according to most of the people on this site and elsewhere, is for you the caretaker to learn about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy so you can practice it yourself when speaking to her. There's a specific branch of it called Dialectical BT which was developed by Marsha Linehan...a high-functioning BPD patient herself although one with a PhD in psychiatry. Basically it's tips on how to phrase things to avoid disasters. She has a lot of Youtube videos, the most useful ones in my opinion are about how to validate the indefensible positions of your loved one - but there are others about setting boundaries, DEARMAN, etc.

Of marijuana, diet and exercise - the third one sounds the most useful...and the most difficult. Marijuana may ease her tension, but it also leads to long-term paranoia that remains even when not using...hardly ideal for a BPD who already struggles with an abandonment complex, pathological dishonesty or theatricality - the last thing it needs is paranoia layered on top. You might be able to reduce the marijuana use by warning that it's likely doctors will have to prescribe her even more meds in a few months if she's using marijuana. The state hasn't technically told me I'm not allowed to grind up some fraction of her prescribed medication (that she has confirmed and I am certain she is not otherwise taking) and put it in her oatmeal in the morning, but I get the feeling that they assumed I would at least read between the lines given our last exchange that they would not approve of such efforts.

Exercise, any chance you or the father would be able to convince her to go jogging "to help you lose weight" (making it about your supposed failings, not hers), even promising that during a jog you'll fall absolutely quiet and just listen to her without saying anything yourself so long as you're still jogging? Might get her to open up, get exercise, AND feel like she has some control and autonomy. The downside is, you have to jog with her for a few weeks. And it's winter.
Logged

Cast not your pearls before swine, lest they trample them, and turn and rend you. --- I live in libraries; if you find an academic article online that you can't access but might help you - send me a Private Message.
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!