First time post, looking for help and support

[p3crewman]

Good Morning! First time poster hoping to find the support of others dealing with similar situations, I know I'm not alone but it would be good to talk about some of the issues we're dealing with and struggles we're having. Daughter is 18 and has never been formally diagnosed with BPD but exhibits all of the traits and we always feel like we're walking on eggshells.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[PearlsBefore]

 

Welcome to the group, sorry to hear about the difficulties arising. Are the symptoms relatively newly on-set or existing from puberty or some other age? Is she hesitant to speak to anyone about the symptoms, or even refusing to acknowledge them at home, or possibly open to seeing a professional? There's no "magic" to a BPD diagnosis, since unlike something like schizophrenia there isn't really a certain medication for it - it's all just treating the symptoms themselves. So if there's anxiety, or depression, or violent fits, delusions, black-outs, etc. With or without a diagnosis, many people here love the DBT suggestions by Marsha Linehan (on Youtube) on how to communicate with a BPD loved one to avoid "triggering" them as often.

Has she needed hospitalization at any point or been in serious trouble? I'm sure it seems like forever, but the good news is that this phase is typically the worst of them and as they age they lose some of the frenetic spasticism in something like 80% of cases. Is she generally able to hide her symptoms from peers and outsiders, or does it seem like most realise something is a little...off?

[Sancho]

Welcome to the home of eggshell walkers! I am always going 'gently' with everything so try to avoid the inevitable explosion!

There are lots of skills you can learn here, and reading other peoples' posts is really helpful in many ways. First of all you know you are not alone in the world dealing with a really shocking situation. Then there is all the help you get just by the responses you get.

You haven't given many details about your situation, but one thing that I have found really helpful is mindfulness. I know it is a bit trendy these days and I don't think I would have learnt it if I wasn't in this situation. (Perhaps what I do is not mindfulness!)

Anyway I found that my BPD was always on my mind, in my thoughts. Even if she is asleep in another room, I would find myself thinking about her is some way or other.

Now I consciously 'turn off' by putting my mind on something else - it could be thinking about a timetable of jobs I am going to do, or looking up what is happening in the world, or going outside.

I try to limit the time we have to be in the one room together. So I'll plan to work in the garden when I know she would likely to be pottering in the kitchen.

If you can start this year with the focus on you, your needs and how to meet those, it might be a change that is most helpful.