Wife high functioning with BPD

[Wife_BPD_2 Kids]

I believe my wife is a high functioning BP because her behavior matches 8 out of 9 traits in the DSM-5.  She exhibits severe BPD traits primarily behind closed doors.  She has consistently refused to see a mental health professional and accuses me of being narcissistic or having the disorder.  She has devalued me and started a distortion campaign against me.  I have reached out to close family and friends, but no one has taken me seriously.  We have been married for 14 years and have two kids.  I have started recording my wife’s erratic and destructive behavior and collecting other evidence in case I needed to protect myself.  Do you think it’s a good or bad idea to share that evidence with close family/friends in the hope of them believing me and gaining their support? Some of them have been unknowingly enabling her behavior over the years.

[mart555]

That will likely backfire because these enablers will stick to your wife's story and she will accuse you of doing all of this behind your back because "you are the one who is emotionally abusive and need therapy to work on yourself and not be so selfish".  I think that the effort is much better spent covering your ass and planning your exit strategy.  If it's bad now, it will likely be much worse once she realizes that you want out.  Cover your ass..

[Latrodge]

I think it depends on what you are planning on doing.  If you plan to leave ultimately, then it might make sense to share it so they have sense of what 'goes on' before you make that move.  If you plan to stay, if you share the recordings with others (and if they are as crazy and inciteful as some of the things I recorded my wife saying), they will begin to question your sanity if you stay!  On another note, my experience is that even high functioning BPs are more easily figured out by family members and the general public than we realize.  What I thought only went on in our home, and what I thought I was hiding for 20 years, was actually common knowledge among both of our FOOs once I opened up to them. You might get a different and more supportive response than you think.   

[ForeverDad]

You need to ponder more than just close friends and family.  It would be better to phrase it as trusted friends and family.

Too often persons you believed were mutual friends turn out to side with the disordered spouse due to the emotionally compelling stories.  Or they step away to avoid the conflict.  Same for her family, for them blood is thicker than water.

[B53]

I don't think it would be bad to have the recordings in case you need them at a later date. I agree with others, that you need to be careful because it could backfire.

Good Luck