How to cope with the constant negativity

[Hopefulmominneed]

Hello,

Does anyone have any recommendations on how you cope with the ongoing constant complaining and negativity?  I put my life aside to care for my bpd son and hear things such as no one helps me and I am crying for help.  Then any suggestion you make obviously is a negative response.  Or I get all these kids are in college and don’t work because their parents pay for everything and I never received anything and had to struggle my whole life.   I don’t respond as I k is it will get no where .  Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[beatricex]

hi hopefulmomindeed,
You asked an easy question, which is maybe why no one responded right away?

How do you counter negativity?  with positivity of course!

Look, I have a Borderline mom and Borderline step daughter.  Someone needs to be the adult, and yup it's me cause I have not gotten any diagnosis (yet).  That means, I need to be the adult, and the one to counter the negativity.

Is it hard? yes, I won't lie to you

Does it get easier?  yes
 
I do hope you will post more, but constant negativity is something I've dealt with my whole life until I escaped from the enmeshment with my Mom.  You know what you do?  Surround yourself with some positive people.


b

[Sancho]

Nowadays I don't respond - the reason being is that it fuels more negative response.

I wish I knew what the answer is. One aspect of the 'negative' response I find particularly difficult is the 'whatever'. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrh.

Trying to have some control over my own life working with a BPD person.

Eg 'So would you like to meet up at 10 am or 11? Response 'Whatever'.

And I know if I say any more it will be a mini explosion! Just so exhausting!

What is your approach at the moment? Do you respond, try to answer/explain?

[Swimmy55]

One thing I did before my adult son got too dysregulated was to put myself in time out whenever he started with the negative talk.  I told him (during a time of calm) that from now on, negative talk and how I didn't help him will be a signal that we need to not talk for a while and I will go to another room.  Do you think you could have an agreement like that with your son?