Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
November 01, 2024, 01:24:45 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Things I couldn't have known
Emotional Blackmail: Fear, Obligation and Guilt (FOG)
Am I the Cause of Borderline Personality Disorder?
Escaping Conflict and the Karpman Drama Triangle
I think it's Borderline Personality Disorder, but how can I know?
90
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Living with a murderer  (Read 424 times)
hurtmomma1
Fewer than 3 Posts
*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: strained but living together
Posts: 1


« on: February 09, 2021, 06:27:58 AM »

It's how I feel.  I feel like I'm living with the person who murdered my daughter.  She looks like my 17 year old and her voice is the same, but the things she does and says are completely alien.  It's like she's a completely different person. Even the light in her eyes is gone.  Instead, it's been replaced with a shark like deadness. In less than a year she's gone from college bound and my best friend to a near high school drop out and a hateful, hurtful person. She has devalued her dad completely.. Devalued me,95 percent and she even hates her dog and cat!  I blame the pandemic and her first real boyfriend for bringing out this underlying condition. I'm sad, hurt, confused and really, really angry.  She is tearing this home apart and I can't stop missing my real daughter.  The loving person that was here before she was murdered by this horrible imposter that attacks us constantly with her verbal abuse.  I know she's suffering.  But we are too.  She will see a therapist but won't take anxiety meds. She was on them before the boyfriend encouraged her to stop.  He is her favorite person now and is emotionally abusive.  She can't regulate her emotions AT ALL.  And takes everything out on us.  It's terrible.  I'm seeing a therapist but finding it hard to have hope.  I see posts on this board about the same issues when they reach 21, 35 and beyond.  Is this just our lives now?  If so..it sucks!  We did nothing to deserve this.  None of us.  Not her, and not us.  I feel like we're living with a murderer who we constantly have to help and also protect ourselves from. And it's just not okay. Frustrated/Unfortunate (click to insert in post)
Logged
Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
Sancho
Ambassador
******
Offline Offline

Posts: 838


« Reply #1 on: February 10, 2021, 08:52:57 PM »

Hi Hurtmomma1

Did the change in your daughter happen around the same time she got to know her current boyfriend?

Did she have any anxiety issues before this dramatic change?

When I first started dealing with BPD, I felt I was dealing with one thing after another, without any pattern.

When I started to look for patterns it became easier for me to join the dots and understand what was going on.

Is there a chance that this boy is into any form of substance abuse? It is often hard to tell until you have been around the pattern for quite a while.

Perhaps you could step back (I mean in an emotional way) and just observe when things are happening eg does she see her boyfriend regularly, is she worse after these times; is she okay after seeing him for a day or so, then starts to get abusive etc.

You are clearly going through a hellish time, and it is so good you are seeing someone yourself.

I hope coming here helps, but remember every situation is different - and I have a feeling yours is a bit different, just by the very fact that there has been such a dramatic change. It is hard to join the dots with such a sudden change.

Keep in touch!
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!