My first time to reach out, i am desperate to find support.

[Parents! Get help here!]

I recently moved in with my 50 yr old son  and girlfriend. . He was diagnosed with BPD recently. I thought I could help, learning about the disorder. We have reached the point of ruining what's left of our relationship. He twists everything I say, is judgemental, im losing my self esteem, cry a lot, depressed, he is more and more verbally abusive, I end up just driving around in my car I feel I'm losing it

[samanthaj]

I recently moved in with my 50 yr old son  and girlfriend. . He was diagnosed with BPD recently. I thought I could help, learning about the disorder. We have reached the point of ruining what's left of our relationship. He twists everything I say, is judgemental, im losing my self esteem, cry a lot, depressed, he is more and more verbally abusive, I end up just driving around in my car I feel I'm losing it

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[losttrust]

I’m just a mom myself. Not a professional.  I have experienced - do experience your feelings.   I’m so sorry to hear your family is struggling through this and worse yet during Covid.  What I found extremely helpful is a audible of “stop walking on eggshells”   It helped me.  And your good news is he’s been diagnosed!  So many others take years before they see a qualified professional to identify this.  And he can now receive appropriate DBT therapy.   There is a video on this site about but and a adult working man /husband/father -story.  I’d watch it too.  Maybe nudge your daughter in law to do the same . 

[Sancho]

Hi Samanthaj
Your situation sounds really awful and you are at a point where you need to focus on self care. Just to get a fuller picture:

Did you move in with him specifically to help after his diagnosis?
Do you have a place of your own you can return to?
Does your son focus any of this behaviour on his partner?
Has your son always focused on you to blame and abuse?

Does your son and/or his partner go out to work or do you have long hours together?

I am assuming your son has lived some time on his own or with his partner. Having a parent/in-law move in with an adult child can be a situation where problems occur and even more so if the adult child has bpd.

Has your son been able to stand on his own feet for some time, or always needed your backup?

Lots of questions - sorry bout that! I am just trying to see what possibilities there are for change in your situation, because you do need to care for yourself.