20 year old daughter calling father her abuser for verbal abuse.

[Waves68]

my daughter has some BPD coping traits..not official yet but she starting saying her dad has verbally abused her her whole life.  Now she calls him her abuser.  I can only remember a handful of times that he has yelled at her.  She just doesn't understand why I don't support her.  I don't support anyone yelling at anyone and my husband is getting help...but I just don't understand why suddenly in the last 6 months he is her abuser.  Has anyone else had this happen to them?  It seems to be getting worse.  I'm torn between wanting to support my husband and being sensitive to bpdd need to be heard and empathized with...

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

I haven't had this sort of experience but I imagine it is really distressing. It is common for someone with BPD to see people as 'all bad' or 'all great', and the fact that someone has yelled at her a few times could easily put that person in the 'bad' category.

Even though the yelling did not happen very often, was it very intense, prolonged? I am just wondering whether it would have caused anxiety in anticipating that he might explode at any time - ie did your daughter - and you - have to tiptoe around just in case?

Your husband is getting help which is great. Is your daughter getting any help - or is she relying on you?

If you feel comfortable giving a little more information it might help get a clearer picture of what is happening for you.

Perhaps it would be helpful for you to explore this with a counsellor yourself to keep perspective on what seems to be either something between your daughter and your husband - or something your daughter may be exaggerating in order to cause division and to have you attached to her alone (very BPD!)

[normal person]

My guess is daughter used to be close with dad ? Loved him very much?
BPD people tend to attack and abuse those they move the most more. My psych says it's simply because they feel more comfortable and know every string to pull.
I am in the same place... I am apparently a horrible mother. BPD daughter would progressively pull more strings. I try not to show it hurts, I hope she stops and moves on to another victim.