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What Does it Take to Be in a Relationship
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Author Topic: the good times  (Read 94 times)
IfNotForYou

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 19


« on: March 03, 2021, 07:06:15 PM »

I noticed most of my posts have been during the worst of the worst in my relationship. During the all time lows when I was scrambling for sanity.. the past year has been probably the hardest on my relationship and I was certain up to a few weeks ago I’d be getting a divorce from my wife. ....But someone had suggested to actually do MY part so if it does not work in the end, at least I would know I tried to the best of my ability.. I hated that advice at first. I had zero to give to my wife anymore and the resentment was almost beyond repair... but the more I thought about that and let it sink in, the more I felt some truth in those words..

So here I am. At about 2 to 3 weeks in..doing my best to be aware and work this system and learn..   and I have to really admit; so far it has been working and showing results. Not perfect by any means but a thousand times better than what we where experiencing. I can’t control my wife’s behaviors but I can be aware of mine. I can also be mindful. This has honestly yielded surprising results so far. I’m also doing my best to NOT live life on standby, waiting for the great explosion to happen. Cause at some point something WILL happen and will set off my wife. That much feels inevitable. However I’m already trying to plot and be aware of how I intend to handle this. My reaction. It won’t be easy and I will need to stay hyper aware, but I believe I can do it. As long as I keep seeing progress from her, it makes me hopeful. We’ve actually been getting along great. An all time record for us of about 2/3 weeks with no meltdown.

I’m encouraged. Hopeful. I’ll continue to try and also learn and do my part. I hope it ends up making a long term difference.

Wish me luck. I know this isn’t smooth sailing just cause we’ve managed to find our way back to eachother.. I believe a good counselor is still in our future, but for now I’m gonna try and celebrate this small victory

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This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

Cat Familiar
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 5876



« Reply #1 on: March 04, 2021, 02:54:11 PM »

I’m glad you’re finding that you can make a difference by adjusting your patterns of behavior. It’s so much easier to change ourselves than to try and change our partners.  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

And it isn’t all that easy to change ourselves.  Cursing - won't cause site restrictions at Starbucks (click to insert in post) Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)

I’d suggest that you get your own counselor. It certainly helped me! Even therapists will seek counseling when they have a difficult BPD client, so we are in good company.  Being cool (click to insert in post)

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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
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