Son just diagnosed

[scubad1]

Hey,
I’m new here and feeling scared and full of anxiety.
My 25 year old son was just diagnosed with BPD.
He is married but I think she is going to leave him.
How involved do I get and how do you get rid of the intense fear and helplessness I feel?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[PearlsBefore]

Was he diagnosed in relation to a specific discrete incident that occurred, or just over the course of talking things through with a therapist?

As for what you can do, there isn't much in terms of the marriage working or not...generally parents-in-law are not a good interloper to be trying to change the course of events of a marriage. You can be prepared with a spare room for him if he needs to leave the apartment at some point, and definitely look at some Youtube videos or buy some books about DBT listening skills (Linehan is the "gold standard" but BPD herself, and I'm unconvinced she isn't an outlying factor though many here swear it's great) - they're a great way to learn how to "listen" to a BPD person whose emotional reality is not going to need "normal" listening, etc. Whether he's newly single or still married, the DBT skills can help.