Trying to Make Sense

[2a2t]

My daughter ended up in the ER early this morning (she's 27 and was out with friends and started having something of a breakdown around 3 AM).  My wife and I had expected her to be home sometime last night.  She had been texting some with my wife and telling us she was having a great time.  On Sunday she and I had talked and she told me she was at the best place, mentally, she'd been in a long time.  This came completely out of the blue.  She's in therapy regularly, though they did just start her on new medication about a week ago [Am I sharing too much here? ].  I started therapy myself a few weeks back and have been reading books and articles like mad (she was diagnosed with BPD about a month ago).

Having her diagnosed has at least helped me to force myself to believe that there is something other than millennial angst or young-adult drama (and I don't mean those to be offensive terms, they were just the "diagnoses" I had made trying to figure out what was going on with her).  In recounting her behaviors over the past several years, the diagnosis makes perfect sense of what she's been through (and continues to go through).  But the guilt I feel (which I understand is normal and pretty well useless) is overwhelming and that guilt makes me want to do something/anything to fix it for her (which I also understand is normal and pretty well useless).  My frustration comes with the fact that a) she's an adult and I'm trying my best to respect her as such (even though she's now just working a part-time job, despite an unused, terminal professional degree and living at home, constantly complaining that she's poor and wishes she could be on her own) and b) I know her great potential.

I love my daughter dearly.  Other than the usual fussing and fighting of parents and children, ours has been a loving, supportive home.  There's not a closet full of abuse issues.  There's certainly some resentment on all sides over situations probably stemming from her BPD, but we do try to talk them through and understand each other.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.  I'm looking forward to exploring the site and hearing the struggles/victories of others.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hello 2a2t and welcome 

I was exactly where you are now back in 2015, my DD was 26.  And yes trying to make sense of what is happening takes time and patience. There is a lot to learn.

This is where I started - Scott Peck's video is powerful.
Listen with Empathy

How's your DD received the diagnosis?

I'm glad you found us.

WDx