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Author Topic: Summer Schedules  (Read 439 times)
12years
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« on: March 31, 2021, 02:31:09 PM »

This is the second summer we have been divorced. Are there rules that I don't know about related to standard schedules? It seems like the rules are being changed on me, not surprising, and I am feeling quite upset and controlled. We are to be in agreement with a schedule we come up with on our own and not a standard schedule. But, to possibly get more time, my ex said we should go to standard only in the summer so he is claiming he gets 30 days (4 weekends) but half the remaining weekends in Summer, these are alternated. So there are 12 so he is claiming he gets 8 of them! That does not seem right. I also believe if we are going to the standard that I get two of his 8 weekends, one during his possession period of 30 days and one not when it would be a weekend he would have when we alternate. Does anyone have experience with this?
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kells76
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« Reply #1 on: March 31, 2021, 03:23:16 PM »

Hi 12years;

A few questions to help me help better:

Are you both living in the same state/area? I.e., is he >60 miles away (or whatever distance in your state triggers "long distance parenting")?

Did you guys come up with a non-standard parenting plan? Or, are you using whatever is standard for your county/state? For example, my DH and his kids' mom have a non-standard PP that says that parenting time remains the same during summer break. They live <1 mile from each other.

Does the PP say anything about vacations?

What happened last summer?

Will check in later;

kells76
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GaGrl
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« Reply #2 on: March 31, 2021, 05:36:13 PM »

What is the exact wording in your settlement/custody agreement regarding summer schedules and vacations?
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12years
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« Reply #3 on: April 01, 2021, 11:37:51 AM »

We live in the same city.

Last summer we had planned vacations and also divided the weekends so they were close to even. There were 11 weekends last summer.

We do a mutually agreed upon schedule the rest of the year. So the logic that he gets more weekends during the summer due to a standard schedule is not correct. This summer has 12 weekends.

And before all of that it has under "Mutual Agreement" that "The conservators shall have possession of the child at times mutually agreed to in advance by the parties, and, in the absence of mutual agreement, it is ORDERED that the conservators shall have possession of the child under the specified terms set out in this Possession Order." Saying we are to mutually agree to a schedule and if not it goes to the Standard.  

It doesn't specify weekends in the summer schedule except for the overall schedule says that the other parent gets the weekend after periods of summer possession and or holidays/holiday breaks (spring break or Thanksgiving).

This is the wording under the "Weekends" section: "The alternating weekend periods of possession shall "reset" after the Standard Holidays and Extended Summer Possession wherein a parent not in possession of the children shall have possession of the children the weekend following the Standard Holidays or Extended Summer Possession to resume the alternating weekend periods of possession."

And this is what is says for Summer:
"With written notice by April 1, the "ex" gives me notice specifying an extended period or period of summer possession for that year, and the "ex" shall have possession of the child for thirty days beginning no earlier than the day after the child's school is dismissed for the summer vacation and ending no later than seven days before school resumes at the end of the summer vacation in that year, to be exercised in no more than two separate periods of at least seven consecutive days each, as specified in the written notices. Notwithstanding the weekends period of possession ordered for the "ex" it is expressly ordered that I shall have a superior right of possession of the child as follows:

1. "Spring Vacation in Odd-Numbered Years"

2. Summer Weekend Possession by me - If I give him "written notice by April 15 I shall have possession of any one weekend beginning at 6:00pm on Friday and ending 6:00pm on following Sunday during any one period of the extended summer possession by the ex in that year provided I pick them up and drop them off and does not interfere with Father's Day possession."

3. Extended Summer Possession by me - "If I give him notice by April 15 or 14 days written notice on or after April 16, I may designate one weekend beginning no earlier than the day after the child's school is dismissed for the summer vacation and ending no later than seven days before school resumes, during which an otherwise scheduled weekend period of possession by the ex shall not take place in that year, provided the weekend so designated does not interfere with the ex's period or periods of extended summer possession or with Father's Day possession."

Interested to hear your interpretations. I can see it many different ways, but, I do not see that he is to have more weekends than me in summer and that I "may" be able to take some of the weekends back. But, let me know your thoughts.
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12years
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« Reply #4 on: April 01, 2021, 11:42:37 AM »

Sorry one more thing from what Kells asked--
I checked and the only thing it says about vacations, it says there is a "Limit on Vacations, the parties agree and the court orders that the parties shall not take the children on vacation that lasts longer than 16 consecutive days."
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worriedStepmom
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« Reply #5 on: April 01, 2021, 03:41:40 PM »

That's pretty much verbatim the language in my custody agreement for the summers.  We don't do alternating weekends like that, though - our schedule specifies that he gets the 2nd, 4th, and 5th weekends.

It sounds like you are correct.

If ex wants the kids for the month of July (taking 2 of your weekends), you can tell him you want any 1 weekend in that time period (even one that is normally his) so that you can see the kids.

You can also choose any other one of his weekends during the summer (not in his 30 days) for you and the kids to be together.

That tends to roughly even out the number of weekends, depending on the year and on whose weekend Father's Day falls.

And if he's going to play hardball over the summer, there's no reason you can't do the same for the rest of the year and make him follow the standard agreement if that suits you better.
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ForeverDad
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« Reply #6 on: April 01, 2021, 04:07:50 PM »

"the parties shall not take the children on vacation that lasts longer than 16 consecutive days."

What that describes is a parent starting and ending his/her vacation on his/her weekend.  That makes sense but my ex didn't see it that way.  She actually asked the court to limit our "two weeks" vacation to 14 literal days away from her and it agreed. 

One side benefit of starting a vacation on your weekend is that you're reasonably sure to have the kids at time of departure.  Imagine getting flights for a certain date for a planned vacation and the ex sabotaging it by disagreeing with something and withholding the kids.
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12years
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« Reply #7 on: April 02, 2021, 12:45:39 PM »

Worried Stepmom and Forever Dad--
Thanks Worried Stepmom for making me feel like I wasn't crazy and can read and interpret an agreement!
Forever Dad, yes, best to plan the vacation when they are with you so you don't end up not having them when a flight is about to take off!

I am still interested in others comments regarding this stuff...

He literally was insisting he got 8 weekends and I got 4. I KNEW that could not be correct.
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ForeverDad
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« Reply #8 on: April 02, 2021, 10:45:34 PM »

He literally was insisting he got 8 weekends and I got 4. I KNEW that could not be correct.

Look up "gaslighting", there's a movie Gaslight from 1944 that originated that behavior.  You gave in to his insistence in the past on other issues, right?  If so, he's doing it again and expecting he can outlast you again.  It's the irresistible force versus the immovable wall.  Can you be that wall?  By "wall" I mean strong boundaries, know your limits and don't accept demands.

His perceptions and self-interpretation does not equal to reality.
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