Where to start...

[Roobear]

My daughter is 28 and is in the process of a BPD diagnosis.
I have thought for a long time that she is an alcoholic but am now seeing things in a new light. I’m not sure which came first the BPD or the alcohol abuse, my personal thoughts are the alcohol but saying that she was a very shy, quiet child growing up. I am so confused.

I am looking for any help, advice, guidance as to where to begin with this particularly in how to support her.  I am reading a lot of  literature I come across on the internet and buying books on the subject. If anyone can share their experience of this, I will be truly grateful.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[normal person]

She could be a quiet borderline. The one who has all anger inside.
I have a daughter who was growing up a shy kid and never really heard any outbursts from her. But then I came across her diaries and my god, I tell you, it was full of F word, hate, hate government,hate me...and quietly drinking vodka in her room No one would have guessed.

[kitty1961]

I think BPD comes first.
My daughter was also very quiet kinda shy but turned to drugs and alcohol at about 13 (33 now)
So much self medicating...

I too have read her diary and was shocked at the anger towards me her mom, and just not wanting to have been born.
I wish I could tell you it gets better or easier, I think each situation is different. In our case it has gotten worse because she now mirrors the disease and it is her only identity .

She is our only child, for us there is no joy, no hope . My daughter is gone and we are left with a shell of a human being

[Roobear]

Thank you for your replies, I can completely relate to your post. My daughter is my only child, also started drinking (and possibly drugs) from around 14 years old. She self harms now too, this started a couple of years ago, she will cut her arms and legs when intoxicated.

I don’t know how to talk to her when she is feeling low? We are both very introverted characters which probably helps neither of us.

She has a daughter who is 4 who is in the care of her father, my daughter can currently see her daughter while being supervised by me, this has been the case for around 15 months. She is currently going through the courts to have this decision changed.

I know she tries so hard, she managed five months without any drink related incidents but after a recent miscarriage has suffered a few relapses and isn’t in a good place. I know she has so much on her plate but we both find communicating with each other difficult. I am forever walking on eggshells. It’s good to know I am not alone, thanks again x