looking for strategies and support

[adaptable]

We are a family that has a newly diagnosed BPD, teen. We are looking for support and any ideas on communication, boundaries, how to assist our teen and self care. Feeling pretty scared and confused.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[kitty1961]

I understand your fear and confusion. We've been doing this for 25 years. (33 year old D)

I can tell you dealing with my D as a teen was very difficult, basically we just tried to keep her alive
Running away,drugs, suicide attempts . Honestly I don't know how we made it through.

My d is on disability, doesn't work or go to school and has a hard time managing day to day tasks.

May I ask what lead to your daughters diagnosis? I feel like it makes a difference how to proceed

 

[KBug]

I'm sorry that you are going through all this turmoil. BPD in teens is tough. My best advice is to take care of yourself and your relationship with your spouse first. You will need a solid foundation and an emotional refuge to support you through the next few years. See your own therapist who is knowledgeable about BPD to help you understand and cope with what's going on.

Use the 3 Cs as a mantra to yourself when things get tough: I didn't cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it. Choose your battles.  Set firm boundaries for the things that matter the most (safety, your well being, verbal/physical abuse, etc), and don't sweat the small stuff. Know that it's okay to be angry and not like someone who is verbally/physically abusive to you.

Create a hidey-hole for yourself where you can go when you are feeling overwhelmed.  I put a lock on my bedroom door.  I have a good reading spot there. It's okay to say, "I'm feeling a little overwhelmed right now," or "I need some time to give you my best response to what you just said," etc and then go off into your hidey-hole for some peace. Get noise cancelling headphones if these actions are likely to result in angry outbursts. Practice meditation or other forms of mindfulness to help yourself not get too wrapped up in the intensity of emotion coming from your BPD.

[adaptable]

Thank you both for posting. She has been dx with bipolar ( ruling out psychotic features) and borderline traits ( resulting from 2 separate trauma incidents).

We have been searching for an accurate diagnosis for a year. Things escalated 2 weeks ago when she fell into a full blown manic episode, that ended with her taking several old prescription pills ( lexapro and seroquel). We made her throw them up and took her to a local hospital. The ER social worker was incredible.. saw the mania right away. Borderline traits dx came after the assessment.  Our daughter feels it is right, can even recognize when she is trapped in the borderline thinking/perspective ( at times). Trying to figure out the meds for the bi=polar symptoms.

[adaptable]

the suggestions on self care are appreciated. We are having a hard time finding a therapist to work with my husband and I on how to re-structure the home for borderline traits. Everyone is full!  We will keep looking, we are going to do the NAMI online groups and we are reading books. We find that we are getting better at the ebb and flow of the traits and can tag team each other if needed.