Heartbroken and looking for support

[Milinpain]

This is my first time to discuss this with anyone besides my husband and therapist. My dil is undiagnosed bpd! It is a constant “ come close.. no get away”! Just when I think we are good she shuts me out! When they lived close and she needed my help .. things were good for the most part. I knew when they moved and no longer needed me I would lose contact with my grandchildren. It is heartbreaking being shut out! I can tell my son is in survival mode and just tries so hard to please her! She has come between my two sons and they no longer talk. They no longer come for holidays. I try to just be kind and loving and take what I can get but I find myself constantly sad. It is not the life I had envisioned with my grandchildren. I love and miss them so much! I’m so glad to find this support! Are there any books to help in-laws being shut out?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

There are many grandparents here and can chime in  but in the meantime here is some reading from Grandparent's post with suggested readings:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=333475.0
I am sorry.  Even though I am not a grandma, there is a special hurt in your heart when you can't interact with your grandkids. Welcome to our forum.

[Rebbeca]

Hi
My daughter has recently shut me out of her life. I haven't seen my grandson who's 7 and a big part of my life to 6 weeks. With the help of therapy myself I've managed to stay calm enough to appear to cope with my daughters unreasonable behaviour. And hang in the relationship for my grandson.
Until I tried to put a boundary in place and she lost it completely.
It sounds like you really want to help your grandchildren.I know how heart breaking it is when you know life for them is so much harder than it should be for any child.
I'm also new and reading what you have said makes me see im not alone in my heartache.
Maybe now we have this we can find the strength we need to keep being a part of a really difficult family relationship.
Sending you love
Rebbeca.