Grandparent is estranged from daughter and seeks visitation rights

[MidWest-Mom]

 

My x who is now the grandfather of our grandchildren who he has never met ,  has been estranged from our daughter now age 39 has refused to respond to him  and is currently estranged from me refusing to have contact with me , and our grandchildren. I am in court asking for grandparent visitation , I have wanted him to try to text her again to encourage her to work things out and it caused a terrible fallout with him cursing at me calling me names and blocking me . I do not feel I am a fanatic or obsessing over this I am reacting as any concerned parent / grandparent would where
grandchildren and daughter are concerned. Daughter does not have the children living with her and never has them around .

Her father and I have  known each other for 42 years and his temper outbursts are intolerable . I have suggested him to seek counseling to help his anger .

I already speak to someone who feels I shouldn't communicate with him especially after the series of vulgar and malicious messages sent to me after he told me he needed a break from this and asked me what I want from him. I have expressed what
 I would like and the flame from him began .

He says I care about you . I said  care about him and now the maniacal explosive outbursts are frightening . I refuse to introduce anyone with a temper to children.
The hate and verbal abuse needs to be addressed . People learn more about themselves when they seek therapy or counseling . I sent the link to this community to him .

I'm pretty much straight forward since I know him this long and feel it's ok to tell him to please get help . He seems to want to have our daughter contact him and because he made the first attempt that the rest is up to her. How can someone hate their x and call names , while anticipating on a callback from our daughter ? I've never degraded him
to her ever .

He has another daughter who is not speaking to him now and I  commented a
boo hoo to him and said think about why. This back and forth and meaningless conversations have me at bay with him.

We both care about each other ( so he says) and I feel he should speak to a
counselor to help his own pain and understand how others may feel from his
past and current lack of empathy. He is remarried and I find it demeaning to
treat his spouse like she is royalty and us like we are worthless? 

While I am trying to fix the broken family worried about my granddaughter
in one state and grandson in the state I live , I had hoped he would have a better
understanding of how everything has transpired without a dad in our daughters life
and step up to tell her he is sorry for the pain he has caused .

He has a spouse and my feedback on this is negative she took a child's father
away from her with her jealousy and is just as much to blame as he has
boasted about her from the time he was dating her letting us know she is jealous.
It bothers me and our daughter even commented what did his wife have to say is she ok with it?  I don't know anyone who marries a man to become the authority
of him and his relationship with his first born . I hope he joins here to discreetly
start some sort of dialog to contribute and help fix this very big mess.

Thanks for reading.

MWM

 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hi MWM and welcome. 

Wondering how far you've got with seeking visitation rights to your grandchildren, if I'm following correctly they are in different states, are they with their fathers as you say they are not with your daughter.

I can understand your frustration, your ex has not been open to helping himself and your daughter.

Welcome again MWM.

WDx

[MidWest-Mom]

I've gotten pretty far with being heard and finally finding a lawyer. I had on and off representation and pro se' while during no court time I was working closely with state
general assembly chief ethics officer to rewrite the language of the law. With success the former Governor signed one section into law under the Illinois paternity act.

I am now pending two more rewrites but my state rep can't carry it to the house until
December . As for where I am at now , today is the second hearing after the opposed lawyer filed a motion to dismiss . We are most likely going to have a presentation an kick the opposing off the case due to her lack of knowledge and claiming attorney fees calling  my petition frivolous .

As for my x I am heartbroken by him . I sent him the link to join here or at least read.
I have sympathy for him and i want him to see someone . The language that came across my cell phone from him is painful. The name calling cursing on audio to me at 2:45 AM is very hard to digest . It hurts badly knowing that he built his world around someone who in part is the cause of his alienation of his daughter. I'll never understand how a woman can make a man walk away like that .