"Love Bombing" is killing me

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi everyone!

So, I'm being love-bombed to death and it's killing me! It is making it all so much harder!

(25 year marriage, I suddenly "awoke" after last rage - about 2 months ago - where he cut off his wedding ring and within a few days, had it repaired and back on his finger.)

After that moment, I suddenly realized I need - at the very least - a trial separation, in which I leave the house...I have not yet left, working on getting my own place, so we're still co-habitating and the ONLY thing we do together is SLEEP (only!) on the same mattress at night. We do not have any shared activities at all, we do not even eat dinner together. But, I have stressed the necessity of being cordial until I leave the house.)

Hubs is absolutely DESPERATE for me NOT TO GO. He is constantly barraging me with love-bombs - it has become damn-near intolerable, even! Like:

Daily emails "I'll never hurt you again, I'm going to work my entire life, every single day to make you smile/laugh, I've changed, I never angry at anything anymore, I'm going to see a therapist (even though, he thinks he's already figured out why he rages), etc.

He texts me constantly telling me how much he loves me and that he'll never be angry again, that he wants me to feel safe and believe that he'll never be mean to me again. Even telling me all his "victories" of not getting angry in situations that he normally would've lost his mind - road rages, etc.

Yesterday, a dozen roses with orchids.

I cannot even "walk past him" (in the other room) without him saying something complimentary or seeing if I need anything.

He constantly comes into my study (the room I've been hanging in) "can I get you anything, do you want a soda, a snack, etc., etc."

Then, there are also hour-long talks (with intermittent sobbing) about how much he's changed, how much he's trying to win me back so I don't leave, that he takes all the blame for what's happened to me and understands why I finally "broke," he recognizes and regrets what he's done to me for all these years, and says that he fully understands why I can't feel comfort in his latest "change," (after all, we've done this hundreds of times).

Ugh. This is all SO FREAKIN' HARD as it is and I've asked him to please don't do things (like bringing me flowers) because it's making it so much more painful and difficult - and he said - good, because I don't want  you to leave...

I mean, I've been through countless "honeymoons" - but this takes the cake.
I have never actually left him. Has anyone else experienced this level of "love bombs" and why the hell is he so determined to keep me here, when we DO NOTHING TOGETHER?

Gaaahhhh!  O_o

[Gemmie]

Hi everyone!

So, I'm being love-bombed to death and it's killing me! It is making it all so much harder!

(25 year marriage, I suddenly "awoke" after last rage - about 2 months ago - where he cut off his wedding ring and within a few days, had it repaired and back on his finger.)

After that moment, I suddenly realized I need - at the very least - a trial separation, in which I leave the house...I have not yet left, working on getting my own place, so we're still co-habitating and the ONLY thing we do together is SLEEP (only!) on the same mattress at night. We do not have any shared activities at all, we do not even eat dinner together. But, I have stressed the necessity of being cordial until I leave the house.)

Hubs is absolutely DESPERATE for me NOT TO GO. He is constantly barraging me with love-bombs - it has become damn-near intolerable, even! Like:

Daily emails "I'll never hurt you again, I'm going to work my entire life, every single day to make you smile/laugh, I've changed, I never angry at anything anymore, I'm going to see a therapist (even though, he thinks he's already figured out why he rages), etc.

He texts me constantly telling me how much he loves me and that he'll never be angry again, that he wants me to feel safe and believe that he'll never be mean to me again. Even telling me all his "victories" of not getting angry in situations that he normally would've lost his mind - road rages, etc.

Yesterday, a dozen roses with orchids.

I cannot even "walk past him" (in the other room) without him saying something complimentary or seeing if I need anything.

He constantly comes into my study (the room I've been hanging in) "can I get you anything, do you want a soda, a snack, etc., etc."

Then, there are also hour-long talks (with intermittent sobbing) about how much he's changed, how much he's trying to win me back so I don't leave, that he takes all the blame for what's happened to me and understands why I finally "broke," he recognizes and regrets what he's done to me for all these years, and says that he fully understands why I can't feel comfort in his latest "change," (after all, we've done this hundreds of times).

Ugh. This is all SO FREAKIN' HARD as it is and I've asked him to please don't do things (like bringing me flowers) because it's making it so much more painful and difficult - and he said - good, because I don't want  you to leave...

I mean, I've been through countless "honeymoons" - but this takes the cake.
I have never actually left him. Has anyone else experienced this level of "love bombs" and why the hell is he so determined to keep me here, when we DO NOTHING TOGETHER?

Gaaahhhh!  O_o

[Cat Familiar]

When you understand the desperate manipulation behind this behavior, it takes all the charm away. 

[ForeverDad]

The sad reality is that unless he is in meaningful therapy for an extended period, probably years, and applies it diligently in his life, perceptions and behaviors then the pressure he feels now to kowtow to you to lure you back will fade and he will return to his prior behavior comfort zone.

[Cat Familiar]

The sad reality is that unless he is in meaningful therapy for an extended period, probably years, and applies it diligently in his life, perceptions and behaviors then the pressure he feels now to kowtow to you to lure you back will fade and he will return to his prior behavior comfort zone.

Completely agree with ForeverDad. My exhusband would make these sorts of grand promises when he felt I was slipping away. I’d repeatedly fall for it, thinking he’d finally had an epiphany. But in no time, the infidelity, verbal and physical abuse, financial recklessness, and drug taking would resume.