On the fence

[Parents! Get help here!]

Good morning,
Mother of BPD 43 yr old.

Long story short, I cancelled a trip to Texas with her and her sister. What was I thinking? Anyway, now my cousin from Texas is commenting on my daughters post something that could be directed towards me. Of course they know nothing of the situation from birth till now.

Question: Do I ask my daughter what was said?
Do I ask my cousin what was said?
Let it go?
my thought is to ask daughter...I hate her thinking she can also start manipulating family we barely know

Thanks. 63 tired Mom here

[Mom57]

Good morning,
Mother of BPD 43 yr old.

Long story short, I cancelled a trip to Texas with her and her sister. What was I thinking? Anyway, now my cousin from Texas is commenting on my daughters post something that could be directed towards me. Of course they know nothing of the situation from birth till now.

Question: Do I ask my daughter what was said?
Do I ask my cousin what was said?
Let it go?
my thought is to ask daughter...I hate her thinking she can also start manipulating family we barely know

Thanks. 63 tired Mom here

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

Hi
Without knowing all the particulars in your case, my initial thought is you can confront her, but don't be attached to the results.  She will probably get defensive and start an argument.  The people/ family who really know you will want to hear your side of the story before forming an opinion of what your daughter said ( if what she said is something about you).  Just my 2 cents.

[By Still Water]

Hi,
    I'm wondering if you could write your cousin, to say something general - like, "I'm so sorry I had to defer our trip. _____ has been struggling with some issues." This way, the cousin doesn't believe something untrue, that your daughter might have put out, and she may - in the future - take what your daughter posts with a grain of salt. Something general, which would cause her to make the inference you desire, won't need to go into BPD and the specifics. Just an idea; I don't know if that's the best way.

[Sancho]

I agree with By Still Water. It is so easy to escalate things with someone who suffers from BPD. Whereas you could talk to someone else and sort things out, everything you say is interpreted as 'having a go' at them - and then they explode.

Sometimes letting things go as quietly as possible is the best way to move on.