What Couper said.
Thank you for that. The reason it will set him off is he had extreme trust issues. He's already accused me of things that aren't true and if he gets a hold of this then he'll freak out for sure.
I don't feel like I did anything wrong, but explaining things to him was and is impossible sometimes.
That's one of the hallmarks of this illness, I'm afraid. BPDs live in a different reality; their mind turns everyday occurrences into instances of hurt and rejection; when it gets too bad, they either distort facts or dissociate, which is the reason why they often cannot remember the content of fights afterwards.
There's no counting the arguments I had with my BPDex-boyfriend where he was objectively in the wrong, yet couldn't see it, no matter how obvious. Harmless example, I did all the cooking for him for two months, breakfast, lunch and dinner. He cooked three or four times during that whole time. Once (after I had cooked for him yet again) he broke off a huge fight about him "always" cooking. I couldn't believe my ears. He then seriously demanded I enumerate all the meals I had cooked. Initially I refused, because it was ridiculous! When I finally did list everything (after he had pushed me for half an hour), he was startled and claimed to not remember half of it. I reminded him with situations and moments he
had to remember. Then his "argument" suddenly shifted to, "That wasn't cooking, that was only fixing food. I always spent at least an hour in the kitchen, while you only spend half an hour." (I'm simply a more proficient cook.) It was mesmerising, in the worst way.
That, and the lack of self-esteem... no matter how often I assured him that I loved him, that he was special in a million detailed ways -- words of affirmation, physical affection, little acts of love, even artworks dedicated to him -- he would never believe me. It completely burned me out. Another common BPD theme many members here lament.
As for your beau... proceed at your own peril. Not saying it's impossible, but you need to be
extremely healthy and almost supernaturally stable in your own self-perception. Be aware that the likelihood of getting hurt is high -- infinitely higher than with a healthy person.
Not to speak for anyone but myself, but... I had qualms about one or two months into my last relationship. I should have left right then. He broke up with me twice during an eight month period and I'm really glad he did, because if he hadn't done it the second time, I'd likely still be stuck in that constant downward spiral of stress and anxiety, headed for a disastrous decade-long or longer marriage and wasting the best years of my life.
You seem to be in great distress, please take care of yourself. Obvious advice is obvious, but now would be a good time to make outside social contacts and start building a support network (even though it might be particularly difficult with your emotional resources likely being depleted). If you want to have this guy in your life, you need at least one healthy person or two around you who'll occasionally give you a reality check. Otherwise, you're setting yourself up for madness.
