2 years in and still lost

[sailorcherub]

sometimes I’m unsure if what I’m feeling is real or if I’m  exaggerating because when I bring things up I’m usually met with “no one has as much pain as me” (my partner w bpd.)

 we are currently on vacation prior to vacation we were constantly arguing. Our relationship tends to be hot and cold. Specifically revolving around how they feel like I am not supporting them enough or well enough. It’s hard to here this because I have made significant life changes (that were my choice yes) that to me shows how much support I am giving.

I believe that I’m in constant state of supporting and comforting and it’s like if I slip up one time in my ability to do that. I’m evil. They would never say that but basically is the message they’re sending. I want to be more than a supportive figure. I want to exist in my relationship and sometimes that never seems possible.  I feel like I come third in everything.

Vacation was similar things I couldn’t support them or I’m not comforting enough. There were a couple incidents during vacation mistyped addresses wallets left at home which just added about 15 minutes to the plans that resulted in complete breakdowns. Even though I didn’t cause any of those incidents it just constantly feels like the energy is directed at me.

Lastly on vacation, I finally got to see one of my friends that I haven’t seen in 5 years they agreed and were invited. We all hang out as a group of 4 ( my friend inviting one of his friends). The hangout started out really well, chilling poolside. I really wanted to play spades and we all agreed to play. We had to leave the pool because it had closed but we still all said we would play. My partner wanted to sing karaoke as well. When we got upstairs I guess my partner no longer cared or decided to forget about one of my clearly communicated wants instead taking over karaoke. We all enjoyed it was fun but it was like what I wanted no longer mattered.

For a little context , my partner doesn’t really have any strong friendships with people nearby and I think sometimes they get very involved, excited, and happy to hang out with people. Even though I do get to see my friends on a daily ( minus this particular friend.) I know this seems like a really long rant.

 But in conclusion I’m exhausted and so drained. I don’t know who I am without being supportive even though I constantly fail at it. I love them so deeply and so much and I really just want it to work. I’ve done so much learning so much and books and etc.  the works. So I am not new to the understanding of bpd.  just hoping for some support or advice.

Thank you.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[beatricex]

hi sailorcherub,

You know that you're posting on the board for people with kids w/ bpd?

Anway it might get moved soon...

Regardless, you posted for support.  You said

I want to exist in my relationship and sometimes that never seems possible

Can you elaborate on "sometimes"  is that like everyday, or 3 times a year?  Just, if it's daily...why are you settling for so little?

b