Things you can never say to a pwBPD

[Cat Familiar]

I thought it would be good to have a few laughs and start a lighthearted thread to talk about things that if said, to a pwBPD, would elicit a nuclear meltdown.

Here’s mine:

Of course I love you. Who else could tolerate you?

[Baglady]

It's not me, it's you...

 
B

[I Am Redeemed]

I need some time for myself.

[GaGrl]

"No."

[Guts42]

Actually that's not what you said, let's roll back the tape!

[Cat Familiar]

It’s always your feelings. What about my feelings?

[Ventak]

So many...

We have different memories.

[ForeverDad]

Why can't you let it go but instead keep bringing it up and demanding another apology every time?

Bonus...

Why do you demand "we are staying up until we fix this tonight" so often?

[Cat Familiar]

Y’all are really nice. My internal dialog is very acerbic.

Don’t you get tired of always having to be a victim?

[LovelyRita50]

Babe, you're overreacting.

[Ozzie101]

Um, you do realize all these things you’re accusing me of doing are things you do, right? You keep getting us mixed up.

You’re an adult, for Pete’s sake. Act like it.

[formflier]

Um...so here is one I've actually used and how I wish I could say it was "years" ago..when I didn't know better.  Probably a year or so ago.

"How about we look up the definition of "projection" together?"

her  "blah blah blah you just want to be right..blah blah"

"Why not figure out right now if "the book" believes I am right?"

the rest pretty much went the way you figured. 

Best,

FF

[I Am Redeemed]

Here's one that I actually made the mistake of saying:

Him: "It just really hurts my feelings that..."(I don't remember what it was, probably something like me loading the dishwasher the way I wanted to do it instead of the way he wanted me to do it)

Me: "Oh, for God's sake, EVERYTHING hurts your feelings!"

[khibomsis]

"Let me convince you with the facts" 

[kells76]

"And who is protecting the kids from YOU?"

[Cat Familiar]

It’s not always about you.

[Cat Familiar]

Grow up, will ya?

[kells76]

Maybe you're the problem.

[Ozzie101]

With extreme sarcasm: Gosh, can you please tell me again about how my family and I have wronged you? I don’t think 50 times is quite enough.

It’s your fault.

[Dad50]

I am pretty new here, but wow it is ridiculous, like there is almost a script. Every single one of these has happened in my relationship. A lot fo them this week.

How about, "Honey, I want to talk about some boundar... (couldn't even get it out)

I need some time to myself tonight ( We've already spent seven hours together)

I'd like to spend a little bit of time with my kids  (Her response has several times been "You're f*&^%ing me not them")

[Cat Familiar]

While maintaining a neutral facial expression, I enjoy saying these things in my internal dialog when I’m short on patience and empathy. It prevents me from saying them out loud 

I think having a healthy sense of humor is vital for navigating a relationship with a BPD partner.

What is amazing to me is that most of these things could be said to an emotionally healthy person in a jocular way and there would be no fallout. Sure some of these phrases might be rude and thoughtless, but a simple apology would take care of any emotional residue should that occur.

But with someone with BPD, a casual unkindness will be catalogued and remembered in perpetuity. So best we say them here, laugh, and refrain from saying them aloud.

Here’s more:
I was initially attracted to your sensitive nature, but geez, you take everything personally.

[Cat Familiar]

Can you just get over it?

What a drama queen!

As if we didn’t have real things to be concerned with!

How long are you going to hang on to that?

[GaGrl]

Here's a really specific one...

 "I'm going back to Fort B_______ for the week. Could you refrain from f***ing your boyfriend on the living room floor so that our 12-year-old daughter won't walk in on your extracurricular activities? Much appreciated."

[Guts42]

Why can't you let it go but instead keep bringing it up and demanding another apology every time?

Bonus...

Why do you demand "we are staying up until we fix this tonight" so often?

Woah!  Going through this right now!  I thought it was just me?

[Cat Familiar]

How many times must I tell you that I ________ (love, appreciate, want you in my life, etc.) before you believe it?

[IntoTheWind]

I said all of these things to my ex while we were breaking up - I knew at the time I should absolutely not say these things to her if we ever wanted to move forward, but I was so exhausted that being painted black by her forever was better (it worked):

• "You're being dramatic about X"
• "You need to take some personal responsibility for the situation that you have created"
• "You're acting like a victim for me moving on when you told me to"
• "I guess I'm the evil villain again, when will my reign of terror end?"

[Ventak]

Okay then go, I won't stop you.

[Ozzie101]

You think everyone really thinks about how best to make you angry every time they do or say something? Do you know how narcissistic that sounds?

The world doesn’t revolve around you.

Sorry, I’m fresh out of emotional bubble wrap for you. Shall I pick up more at the store when I go?

[Sluggo]

Its 2am and we have be talking about this since 11pm, can we discuss this tomorrow I have to wake up in 3 hours. 

Im sorry, I cant stay here with you today, I have to go to work. 

[Cat Familiar]

Don’t you think other people have problems too? Or are you the only victim of life’s inequities?