Hi MountainMom

welcome

I grew up one of 5 kids raised by an NPD dad who was a missionary, so faith was a huge part of our lives. I can likely relate to your kids' experiences and would love to know how each of them is managing. Each of my siblings had a different response to my dad.
Today I realized that while he talks of impossibilities and divorce, he actually wants me to talk him out of it. I was able to sit with him in the negative emotion, and the worst of it passed.
This definitely sounds like an 'aha' moment. Good for you!
You're not alone, that is for sure. We'd love to know more about your story. Big hug.