Who in Our Lives Lifts Us Up?

[By Still Water]

Hello All,

This last weekend, my husband and I were lifted up by a young man from my husband's old youth group, who had lived with us for three years. Having been orphaned, and being challenged by high-functioning autism and suicidal ideations, he is now in his mid-twenties and flourishing in a career and independent living. He is an amazing success story, from where he had come from...childhood bullying, a demeaning stepfather,...

So, in the midst of my husband dealing with rejection and harsh devaluation from our near-40 son, this young friend said to my husband, "You were the first positive male role model in my life." I began reflecting that - sometimes - we are sent a comforting and affirming person, to remind us that we are not the parent-failures the devaluing BPD person says we are.  

 These moments are like fresh breaths of air...and I wonder if I have missed recognizing more. Would anyone like to share a word, about who in your life speaks life, appreciation, and value back to you, in the midst of the BPD's devaluing? I wish you all comfort and hope, today.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

How wonderful!  Thanks for sharing. 

[Flora and Fauna]

I really like your post. I've found that throughout my life, even before having my daughter who has bpd, that there have been people who have lifted me up, and sometimes that were veritable strangers. Thank goodness for them. So much of life seems up to chance, yet I like to believe that these meetings are meant to be. I like to think there is some order in the chaos...Some of my lowest points have led to these encounters.

[Bluejay12]

I loved your posting❤️   What a gift for you and your husband. 
We, like you, have endured much grief and sadness over our adult BPD daughter. She hasn’t allowed us to see our precious 4 yo granddaughter, for most of the past 2 years. Equally as tragic, however, was having to say goodbye to my best friend, who died of pancreatic cancer a couple of months ago. Seemed like nothing but loss. But now we are receiving much love and gratitude from her kids and grandkids, all of whom live near us.  They include us in every family activity.  We are so grateful for the love and respect they so generously offer us. 

[By Still Water]

Flora & Fauna,  I've noticed that, too - that these fresh breaths of affirming air, from people, come when I'm at my lowest. Bluejay12, I'm so glad your friend's children and grandchildren include you in their activities. It's good to experience people like this, in light of our BPD loved one telling us we're terrible parents.