connecting with others

[Faith01]

Hello, I am new to this group.  I have a daughter (college age/living at home)who has many traits of BPD.  She has struggled for years with relationships, anger and controlling her emotions.  She has seen many counselors as well as been to inpatient and outpatient treatment centers.  Besides "anxiety" or "depression" there have been no labels placed.  She has been on various anti-anxiety medications over the years.  When things are going her way she is pleasant but when they are not, she becomes moody, angry, difficult, and at times destructive.  She accepts no ownership for her actions- everyone else is to blame.  I learned about BPD on my own through reading on the internet and decided to look for support since my gut leads me to BPD.

I am hoping to not feel so alone by connecting with others who understand.  I hope to gain practical advice not only on how to deal with her, but how to gain empowerment and control to preserve my own mental health.

Thank you for this opportunity!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[By Still Water]

Hello Faith01,

    Welcome. I am glad you are here, as this journey can feel so lonely without fellow travelers.
    Ours lives independently, - in his 2nd estrangement from us, who he considers “toxic,” having flipped after volunteering that his childhood was a good one. He has had dysregulation since elementary school.
    How I have you been able to practice self care, to lessen the drain/exhaustion toll?  
    Do you have other children who also interact with her? Our other two have been very patient with their bro, though find him difficult , at times.  

[Faith01]

Hello Still Waters,
Thank you for the welcome message.  I am hoping that joining this group pushes me to start engaging in self-care.  Tired of "walking on eggshells" and struggling to balance giving her the love she needs and letting her figure things out without enabling her.  Fearful I have been letting her push my buttons and allowed her to take her anger out on me for too long.  Any tips on how to prioritize self-care?
Yes, she has a brother who is 2 years older who can be very patient although he loses it once in awhile with her.
I would love for my daughter to live independently as your son does.  Unfortunately, she has run up credit card debt so that is not an option now.

[ckee1999]

Hi Faith01.  I'm new here too.  Like you, my son is college aged and currently living at home for the summer.  He's been diagnosed with ADHD, Aspergers Syndrome/ASD, Anxiety and Depression at various times over the years.  In retrospect I'm wondering if it wasn't BPD all along, but at this point it doesn't really matter. 

Our son is okay but sad 80% of the time.  The other 20% he's suicidal, angry, and explosive.   As long as things are going his way it's okay.  But if his dad or I question him, his actions or suggest that he's wrong in any way, watch out. 

My biggest challenge is that he's living in my home and has no motivation to move out, nor does he have the means or any intention of getting the means.  We've tried talking to him about budgeting, we pay for his college, but he refuses to work more than 20 hours/week at a minimum wage job. 

He is transgender and is obsessed with having top surgery - he thinks that will be the answer to all of his issues, which we are certain it will not.  If he needs it eventually that's fine - but he's rushing every step of his transition and insists on having his way immediately in all things. 

I recommend, above all other things, finding a therapist for yourself.  I did so about 7 months ago and it was the best thing I've ever done and I wish I'd done it years ago.  You have someone on your side who believes you.  Whose only focus is helping you learn how to deal with this situation.  While everyone else has sympathy for your daughter (which is okay) this is someone who is 100% on your side.  I also think that these boards are great - you learn that you're not alone and this disorder makes you feel like you are.  I'm happy to PM as well and would be glad to have us be a support connection for each other.