introducing myself

[beagles]

Good Sunday Afternoon!  I am new to the group and wanted to say hello and I introduce myself.  Why is this for me?  I have an adult daughter who was diagnosed with BPD as well as Bi-Polar Disorder, Anxiety and Depression. Quick back ground - she started having "problems" at 7.  By the time she was 15 she had been on different meds, been in and out of group homes and hospitals, had been through quite a few therapists and was now living with her dad.  Her dad and I were divorced when she was 15 - he left me for another woman.  He said he just didn't want the family life anymore.  My daughter was old enough to choose and she chose to go with her dad because she felt he needed her.  She had been cutting for a while off and on, but almost had that under control by now.  Once she left me however, her dad didn't continue any type of treatment for her and stopped her meds.  He said she was just "a bad kid".  With in about 6 months she had spiraled down and tried to commit suicide.  This landed her in ICU on life support.  When she got out of there she was sent to a rehab facility.  I tried to get her to come back with me, but she refused.  Hind sight I should have made her, but at the time she REALLY didn't want to come back with me where there were rules and church.  She ended up pregnant, arrested, in MANY bad and abusive relationships, on different drugs, hanging out with questionable friends and very unhealthy.  Once pregnant she allowed me to be a part of her life more.  She came to stay with me for a little while and was able to gain some weight and get a little clear headed.  Since then she has had another child and is pregnant with the third.  She is in another abusive relationship which this past year I helped her get out of to the tune of almost $10,000, many frantic phone calls and many many many trips to her to help, but she went right back.  She no longer has anyone who will allow her to live with them or give her money.  All of us will take the girls however and do whatever is needed for them.  She uses them as a bargaining chip to manipulate us into getting us to do what she wants.  This is no longer working very often.  We are all exhausted - my ex, my new husband, her sister, her grandparents, her friends, and even church people.  We've given all we know how to give.  Presently I am the only one she is still in contact with.  She is unhealthy and 3 months pregnant.  She is back in her old church and living with the dad of the youngest and the baby she's carrying.  I live on eggshells trying not to make her mad and therefore lose contact.  My husband is fed up, but loves the girls and is doing like me - trying to keep the peace.  She has decided her dad is bad for her mental health so he is no longer in her life.   What do I need from this group?  To be heard.  To be validated that she's not just a "bad kid".  To share ideas on how to help her girls feel good about themselves when they are put down so often.  To listen to your stories for information and helpful ideas. 

I guess that's it for now.  I look forward to reading the posts here and being able to implement the ideas in my life.

Thank you,
Beagles

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[By Still Water]

Hello Beagles,

I’m glad you’ve found us.
It sounds like your granddaughters are fortunate to have you in their lives, affirming them.