invalidation

[love never fails]

I have noticed a lot of posts recently from parents of adult bpd children that include accusations of "invalidation in childhood."  I wonder if our bpd kids are getting this from therapists with limited knowledge of bpd. 

If you look on line, invalidation seems to be listed as a major cause.  I wonder if therapists are working backward...if you have bpd, you must have been abused or at least invalidated by your parents.  That resonates with our bpd kids because they have always sensed that "everything is our fault". 

This makes me wonder if therapy might actually do more harm than good if the therapist is not an expert in bpd.  From talking with several of my DD's therapists, I realized I knew more about bpd than they do.  They just spout off a few talking points.

Anyone else have similar experiences/thoughts?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Leaf56]

YES! I have definitely thought this exact same thing! So happy you brought it up. I think they're also getting it from the internet. In fact, over the past 2 years since all this crap started up, I've often asked my son which forums he frequents, trying to get a sense of where all this might be coming from. I think they absolutely get most of their ideas for blaming us from online support forums. I also agree that therapists can be extremely dangerous and that probably 90% are actually bad, not just for BPD, but in general. I think the state of mental health care is abysmal and I actually have about zero faith in any of it anymore and am starting to just see them all as snake oil salesmen.

[hurtmom]

I too worry the internet followed by therapist is what made my daughter conclude I was so awful and dismissive
Not sure how to unplanted those seeds

[Leaf56]

I wonder whether the reason why those who "discovered" BPD originally blamed it all on abandonment, abuse, insecure attachment etc precisely was because pwBPD are so adept at convincing others in extremely well-calculated subtle campaigns that they are somehow aggrieved because of "what happened to them in their childhoods." Do you get what I'm suggesting here?

[JD2028]

From what I gather, research does support that many cases originate in childhood trauma.

So here's where it gets tricky- there are categories that are obviously traumatic- divorce, physical/sexual/emotional abuse, death of a parent or sibling, homelessness, food insecurity, illness (self or caregiver) etc, etc.

And yet, and yet- my child experienced none of that.  She was loved, and encouraged, supported and praised. She is still BPD. So I think back on the times that I was trying to foster independence. Like "I've shown you how 10x, you can do it on your own"  Can you imagine they would see that as invalidation? I didn't do it for her, or didn't stand over her shoulder (while she yelled at me to stop standing over her shoulder) to make sure everything was done perfectly and that is another strike against me.

I truly don't even take it personally anymore because it's so ________ing bananas. I'm just looking forward to my sentence being over

[Leaf56]

Yep. Mine also experienced none of that.