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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Harassing me on Facebook today, ugh.  (Read 399 times)
Rose409

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 18


« on: August 14, 2021, 11:30:46 AM »

He's not a FB friend. The kids removed him too. I had him blocked but just as a test unblocked him a week ago to see if he was looking and sure enough. Apparently I'm evil for having no relationship status. I don't have ANY identifying info on there. Guess I'll ignore his tirade yet again ..
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Cat Familiar
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 7488



« Reply #1 on: August 16, 2021, 09:55:25 AM »

Do you feel there’s any hope of the relationship improving?
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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
GaGrl
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner’s ex
Posts: 5732



« Reply #2 on: August 16, 2021, 10:47:19 AM »

I am wondering the same as CatFamiliar -- has the level and length of your H's behaviors reached a point that you can make a decision about your future -- with or without him?

You are at a critical life crossroads -- lots of change ahead. It must be difficult to ponder a life so different than imagined.

What is your head and your heart telling you?
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"...what's past is prologue; what to come,
In yours and my discharge."
ForeverDad
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: separated 2005 then divorced
Posts: 18195


You can't reason with the Voice of Unreason...


« Reply #3 on: August 16, 2021, 05:18:10 PM »

Usually the head is first to determine which is the best (or least bad) path to take forward and then the heart catches up in time.

What does your head or logic tell you?  Right now he's behaving himself, somewhat.  For now.  He knows there's a line he mustn't cross but he's skating awful close and believes these boundary violations such as stealing, hiding or destroying your personal or work items is okay.  It's not.  That subtle (and not so subtle) sabotage surely is limiting whatever counseling he is receiving in the program.  Have you watched the 1944 movie Gaslight?  That's where the term "gaslighting" comes from.  Little by little over the years you were conditioned to allow behaviors you would have rejected outright at the beginning.

Can you imagine whether there will ever be sufficient improvement?  Despite what seeming progress he makes in his classes or sessions, as long as his little sabotages continue he won't make progress.  Sorry.
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