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Author Topic: Marijuana use as trigger?  (Read 774 times)
guiltymom

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« on: August 14, 2021, 04:05:40 PM »

Hi everyone, just wanted to chime in after taking the poll about daily weed use. It's been several years ago (my son is now almost 24), but FWIW, he smoked pot daily his senior year of high school, which was the year I first suspected he might have BPD. That was the year he isolated himself from his friends and would have the occasional scary rage episodes, paranoia episodes—basically the year he became a different person. At the time I tried to convince myself that he was just ready to move on from his hometown and high school and get a new start in college, and that he was just embarrassed that he didn't get into any of the colleges he applied to, but in hindsight that was the year I should've gotten him professional help (or at least tried to). But of course we all know about hindsight. Looking back even farther than that year, there had been hints that he had this underlying disorder, but his senior year is absolutely the one I wish I could go back to and handle differently. Now, five years later, he has dropped out of two colleges, is being almost completely supported by my husband and me, and has totally cut himself off from any and all friends he ever had (he had a huge group of friends throughout school and at his second college, but now says that he never felt comfortable around them). Other than the emotional dysregulation, his main BPD trait is a shifting, unstable sense of identity.
I guess I'll never know if the heavy weed use that year made things worse, or if this disorder was bound to happen to him eventually. I also want to say that like some other people on this site, I'm trying to make peace with the fact that I really don't like this person anymore and dread having to deal with him. Because of him, my immediate family can't all be under the same roof together. I really hope he can start being a productive, independent citizen soon, but he's currently very anti-therapy, so it's hard to be optimistic. 
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Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
beatricex
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« Reply #1 on: August 15, 2021, 05:43:54 PM »

hi guiltymom,
Excerpt
Other than the emotional dysregulation, his main BPD trait is a shifting, unstable sense of identity.

It's funny, I rarely see parent's list their child's BPD symptoms. 

I read this part of the site to get the perspective of a stepmom with a BPD step daughter.  But I also have a mom that is BPD, so sometimes, in my mind the questions over here get flipped.

Let me answer your question from the perspective of: I have a mom who is BPD.

A lot of what you describe is a high functioning BPD.  He had a lot friends.  He got into college.  He will probably graduate from college.  Can I ask, is your son suicidal?  If not, he somewhat reminds me of my BPD mom who can flip to NPD, depending on the year.  So you get a little of both, which I think makes the BPD more highly functioning.

b

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Sancho
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« Reply #2 on: August 15, 2021, 10:08:24 PM »

It is a really good question - chicken and egg type one!

Personally I think the BPD - comes first. It is the 'feeling different' that drives the BPD person to self medicate, then, depending on what they use and how often, there can be additional issues.

My BPD dd in about grade 7 or 8 was seeing the school psychologist. She told her that she 'felt different to everyone else'. The response was to get her to do a survey of her classmates - which of course showed that she was pretty much the same in what was going on in her life.

But her nickname was 'schitz' - due to her rapid mood swings. When she started using marijuana with a group of friends, I knew they would pass through that stage at some point and she would be the one affected.

For most people  that abuse mind altering substances, I think they are self medicating to get relief from the awful turmoil in their heads.

Which adds another problem of course!

Also - so understand the 'not liking'. It is like having to deal with a hostile stranger all the time. Awful!
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ILMBPDC
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« Reply #3 on: August 16, 2021, 09:01:34 AM »

Personally I think the BPD - comes first. It is the 'feeling different' that drives the BPD person to self medicate, then, depending on what they use and how often, there can be additional issues.
This 100%. And in actuality, my daughter started using medical cannabis for unrelated pain (which turned out to be endometriosis after 4 years of misdiagnosis, but that's a whole different saga). At that point she was already diagnosed with BPD and had been through DBT therapy.  She continues to use it for anxiety and it does help with her BPD "0-60 in one second" mood swings a lot.

When she was looking at getting a medical card, I did a ton of research about the substance and realized how much of a load of bull we were sold growing up. As someone who is a big proponent of plant medicines, it really angers me that one of the best plant medicines we have is vilified and illegal for no reason other than Nixon had a bee in his racist bonnet about it - and to go as far as putting it in Schedule 1 -"no medical use" - when there was already a TON of scientific evidence of its (and psychedelics) medical use ...not to mention it was considered a medicine in the US until 1942... 

Personality disorders are generally thought to be causes by your genetics coupled with your environment (surroundings you grew up in, events that occurred, and relationships with family members and others). In my daughter's case we can trace it back to severe bullying in middle school (by people she thought were close friends), followed by an emotionally/verbally abusive stalker ex-boyfriend. Which lead to some very deep emotional scars in some very formative years.

My BPD ex - does not use cannabis - and I'm almost positive his BPD stems from being abandoned by his dad at a young age and having a uBPD mother. Having your main parent display those types of traits in relationships while you were growling up - and not having another parent to see other types of coping mechanisms - well, if that doesn't cause disordered thinking, I don't know what would. It's honestly pretty sad and I feel sorry for him, he's likely never going to have a good relationship unless he can commit to getting intensive help.

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Leaf56
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« Reply #4 on: August 21, 2021, 10:09:04 AM »

Guiltymom, thanks for taking my pill and weighing in on this topic. I think it’s one worth exploring. I think it’s quite possible that marijuana use can both calm and exacerbate this condition. While I respect others’ opinions that the two aren’t related, I don’t think it’s wise to close the door on any possibilities because the moment you do that, large avenues of correlation or causation become closed to you.
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guiltymom

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« Reply #5 on: August 22, 2021, 05:21:56 PM »

Beatricex, I agree that he is high-functioning, for the most part. He's mentioned suicide to me once, at one of his lowest points, but I don't consider him suicidal—although I know he's at higher risk for it than people without BPD.

He always finds jobs easily, then ends up hating the job and quitting after a few months. He's moved from Alabama (site of his second college) to Vermont to Virginia (that should give y'all a good sense of his unstable identity—ha!).

He says that smoking pot helps him with his anxiety. I admit that growing up in the 80s has given me an anti-marijuana bias, but I'm trying to be more open-minded about it and have made lots of progress!

My husband and I are hoping that he'll get to a point where each move/state/job is more successful than the last—that he'll be happy in Virginia for a whole year (he was happy in Vermont for about 9 months before he started to hate it).
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Leaf56
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« Reply #6 on: September 10, 2021, 03:07:49 PM »

Guiltymom, have you had any more thoughts on this? Every single time my son has a big rage episode it's after he's gotten very high (self-reported, he does not live with me) the night before. Every time this happens he vows to quit but then can't. I believe it helps with his anxiety but I firmly believe that it triggers anger the next day. I used to see it with his dad (my ex husband) throughout our 17 years together and is one of the reasons for the divorce. My son now says that he basically loves weed more than anything else in the world and it's one of the main things he lives for. Does this sound like an innocuous substance? I don't care about the legaility/morality or whatever of marijuana use, so we need to just jettison any of those sidelining thoughts and objectively observe what it might be doing. And of course, just because one person never has any reaction to weed doesn't mean that another won't. Just like any psych medications that are tried to relieve symptoms, some work, some don't, and some have bad side effects for some people, and some have no side effects for some people. For instance, I'm one of the people who get very depressed from Claritin. It happened the 3 times I tried it. It's possible though that years later it might not effect me in the same way. For instance, I once took a steroid taper pack for an injury and got highly agitated and angry from it. I always thought I'd never be able to use them again, but I had another injury and tried it again and not only did I have zero psych side effects but it helped my injury immensely. So I think if some parents here are reporting anecdotal evidence from their close observation of their adult children smoking weed that we should consider that it could very well be a factor.
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guiltymom

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« Reply #7 on: September 14, 2021, 04:31:00 PM »

Leaf, during my son's most recent stay in our house (February through June), I don't think he was getting high too often, probably because of his job. (Or if he was, I wasn't aware of it.) But when he moved out in July, he specifically chose to move to a state where marijuana is legal. He also said it's the only thing that makes him feel better.

Even though he texted us a couple of weeks ago that he never wants to see or talk to us again "unless it's about money or something incredibly important," shortly after that he asked my husband to make the three-hour drive to help him hang curtains and a dartboard (had to be done with a power drill because of plaster walls in apartment). My husband went, mainly to put eyes on him and see how he was, and said the bedroom definitely smelled like pot. He also said he seemed okay, other than some minor ranting about a polluted pipeline nearby. Crackpot-like paranoia about things like that seems to be a common feature of people with this disorder—and maybe that's exacerbated by the marijuana use? It's so hard to know for sure.
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Trying2Survive

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« Reply #8 on: October 28, 2021, 03:10:53 PM »

Oh man.  I have asked myself this very question SO many times.  We are at the point now that we 'accept' our daughters pot smoking in the evenings because of things she has shared and also that she is working with an outreach worker to try and get a handle on the addiction piece.

She explained to me that as a child she would get such bad nightmares.  She would also sleepwalk and then be terrified when she woke up not in her bed.  It caused her so much anxiety and stress that she would whisper and repeat 'you will fall asleep and have a good sleep' over and over to herself - just praying she could have a good sleep.

Even typing that out brings tears to my eyes.

When she discovered weed at 15 - she could sleep.  Full stop. No issues.  No nightmares.  Just sleep.

Taking that away from her seems overly cruel. Like I am causing her to suffer to ease the fact that I am uncomfortable with it.  So, we allow it.

I do question this almost daily.  Is this the right choice?  Is the weed making things worse long term?  Am I justifying it to myself ONLY because I cant control it and Ive convinced myself that taking it away (I dont even know how I would at this point) would be worse? Would I rather she take prescribed sleeping pills vs a more natural remedy?  What am I going to do when my younger daughter wants to start smoking weed?

I dont have any of these answers.  So all I can say is that at least he found pot and not something stronger.  While we cn wish things could have been different, it probably couldnahve been a lot worse as well. xx

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