Things you can never say to a pwBPD Part 2

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

The world isn’t going to end because I’m five minutes late taking you to your appointment.

Been there, lived that.  You want a divorce because you feared we'll be late (for an important religious event) but we arrived 10 minutes early (and as it turned out it started late too)?

[ForeverDad]

The world isn’t going to end because I’m five minutes late taking you to your appointment.

Been there, lived that.  You want a divorce because you feared we'll be late (for an important religious event) but we arrived 10 minutes early (and as it turned out it started late too)?

[Goosey]

To my separated partner.
“I am not a ATM machine”

[Mr. Kelly]

Do it. Do all these things you're threatening to do and let's see what happens.

I didn’t exactly this with my partner.

She no longer speaks to me…

[poppy2]

Thank you so much for the laughs! This thread was very relativizing of some painful times.

Here's mine: "Well, what about [me/my space/my needs/my goals... ]"

Response: blank state. Escalate the situation through triggers, threats, or emotional blackmail.

[Turkish]

Couper's Reply 17 reminded me of the equivocation. Like when being asked where I want to go out to eat. Truthfully, this might be more of a common man/woman exchange. What she really wanted me to do was just decide and not worry about what she wanted. Despite not wanting to be controlled, I think she desired comfort from her anxiety and to be "someone to lead and guide her," as she told me I failed at.

Cringe-worthy exchange:

She: <said something I thought was nuts>

Me: you're crazy <said colloquially, as I would to a buddy>

She:  don't EVER call me CRAZY! <very harsh look tm>

Me: <oops, looks for an exit>

She later referred to her self diagnosed <BPD> as her "sickness."

I was "throwing her sickness in her face" when I suggested she get help.

[GaGrl]

When what you say is never enough...

“I love you, dear.”
“Is that you talking, or is it the martini?”
“It’s me talking to the martini.”

I'm dying laughing!

[Notwendy]

Anything.

It gets interpreted into meaning something else.

[PeteWitsend]

pwBPD "Do you want these ? (things she owns) as I might give them away if you don't"

"No thank you, go ahead and do what you want with them" ( as an expression, not a command)

pwBPD in angry tone: " How DARE you tell me what to do with my belongings! These are MINE and I will do whatever I want with them".

That's almost verbatim a conversation my BPDxw had with a family member over some copies of family photos that the family member had sent BPDxw (at BPDxw's request).  I saved a screenshot of the texts because it was so bizarre to me (at the time).

crazy: "Do you want the pictures or can I use them for my project?"

sane: "They're all yours."

crazy: "What do you mean?"

sane: "I sent them per your request.  You can do whatever you want with them.  Can't wait to see your project!"

crazy: "I DON'T CARE IF YOU NEED THEM OR NOT, YOU HAVE A FAMILY HERE, AND I'M SORRY YOUR SO WRAPPED UP IN YOUR PRECIOUS PICTURES."

The best part was... after demanding family photos from several people, demanding I jump through a bunch of hoops to help start her project, which I complied with, she never did anything, she didn't even start it!

[At Bay]

In September:

Thanksgiving is at our house this yr.