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Author Topic: Need some sympathy.....  (Read 384 times)
Rev
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 778


The surest way to fail is to never try.


« on: October 16, 2021, 09:23:43 AM »

Hi all,

So - quick context I came to this board because of a failed relationship - or rather I should say "successful ending" to an abusive one.

Two years later, I am now contending with the challenges of being the father of a 25 year old daughter who has a diagnosis of having Bi-Polar disorder (I rather dislike the term "disorder" - I prefer "condition" but I digress).

Simple post here - I am currently living in the vacuum of having drawn boundaries - with what appears to be little support or understanding from any one except my current partner and friends who don't know my daughter.

Some "friends" have been hostile.  My brother can try to empathize but he just can't and I don't blame him for that. My son who is 22 understands but it's not his burden to carry and console his father.  Don't get me started on my ex wife - her enabling is just so corrosive to my soul I need to stay away.

So - if anyone out there wouldn't mind letting me feel sorry for myself for the next 24 hours, I'd appreciate. I'm tired today and I'm having a down moment.

Thanks.

Peace and light to you all.

Rev
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Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
poppy2
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Trans
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: broken up
Posts: 223


« Reply #1 on: October 16, 2021, 09:59:50 AM »

Hi Rev,

It sounds like you have many challenges in your life, and I totally understand your wish to feel sorry for yourself or feel down. I think it's very human and normal.

I hope you can give yourself the time and space to let go of these challenges today and build a small bridge in your mind to better things (or to sadder things, if that is how you are feeling in the moment).

It's so important to take time out for yourself.

best wishes
poppy

 
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Rev
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 778


The surest way to fail is to never try.


« Reply #2 on: October 16, 2021, 10:20:25 AM »

Hi Rev,

It sounds like you have many challenges in your life, and I totally understand your wish to feel sorry for yourself or feel down. I think it's very human and normal.

I hope you can give yourself the time and space to let go of these challenges today and build a small bridge in your mind to better things (or to sadder things, if that is how you are feeling in the moment).

It's so important to take time out for yourself.

best wishes
poppy

 

Thanks Poppy. You know, it's true. I do have challenges (read challenging responsibilities) that I am just wanting to put down for a moment before I pick them up again. You are very perceptive. 

Being "seen" like this really helps - a lot.

Rev

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poppy2
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Trans
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: broken up
Posts: 223


« Reply #3 on: October 16, 2021, 11:12:50 AM »

 

Being "seen" like this really helps - a lot.

Rev

I agree. it can make a big difference. I hope you can take the time for your feelings today, whatever arises.
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Cat Familiar
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 6354



« Reply #4 on: October 16, 2021, 11:53:42 AM »

Gosh, Rev. You reach out to support so many folks. It’s so healthy to acknowledge that you now need support too. We all get tired and emotionally depleted and it’s been an especially troubling time the last two years, so what can you do today to recharge your emotional batteries?

 Virtual hug (click to insert in post) Virtual hug (click to insert in post) Virtual hug (click to insert in post) Virtual hug (click to insert in post) Virtual hug (click to insert in post)
Cat
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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
Leaf56
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 184


« Reply #5 on: October 16, 2021, 01:16:53 PM »

Hi Rev, yes, it's a very lonely road, but I'm here to say you're doing the right thing and you know you are, you just need support in that decision. When this stuff all started with my 25-year-old son, I really didn't have anyone to talk to except, strangely enough, my sister. Because she has BPD, albeit now in a much milder form, she was really the only person who was able to talk to me in the beginning, and strangely enough, she always affirmed my decisions. She instinctively knows what my son needs because I guess she knows on some level that that's the only thing that works for her. Unlike my sister, who has always been very successful in her career, though, my son does not want to work. My family is a working family, and we as a family simply don't respect that approach to life. My ex-husband also does not work, and he constantly enables my son in that attitude. My 22-year-old son also does not want to talk about the problems his brother has, and he shouldn't have to. Luckily my husband has been wonderful. It took him a while to come to the conclusion that what was happening was what I said was happening, but now that it's been two years he now knows. At least you know when you come here that many of us understand and support your decisions and also understand how lonely it is and how many people, if they find out, will condemn us for our approach. It sucks. I have many down moments. I find that my ability to compartmentalize has really grown. I sure hope you feel better soon!

(I also agree with you that I don't like "disorder" or even "condition." We need to come up with a better description. But you said your daughter is diagnosed with bipolar. Is she not also diagnosed with BPD?)
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Rev
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 778


The surest way to fail is to never try.


« Reply #6 on: October 16, 2021, 02:57:10 PM »

Gosh, Rev. You reach out to support so many folks. It’s so healthy to acknowledge that you now need support too. We all get tired and emotionally depleted and it’s been an especially troubling time the last two years, so what can you do today to recharge your emotional batteries?

 Virtual hug (click to insert in post) Virtual hug (click to insert in post) Virtual hug (click to insert in post) Virtual hug (click to insert in post) Virtual hug (click to insert in post)
Cat

Thanks Cat - and everyone else.

My partner and I (she) went to clear out our storage locker. Perfect on so many levels.

And - just recognizing what a blessing this community is also plays a big part - right ?????

Rev.
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poppy2
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Trans
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: broken up
Posts: 223


« Reply #7 on: October 16, 2021, 04:13:55 PM »

Hi

In terms of a name, Kernberg has suggested 'Borderline Personality Organization'. I'm not sure of his arguments for that term, and why he chose organization not disorganization. In my experience my ex was highly organized in her professional life but immensely disorganized in her emotional life. I agree that a less stigmatizing name should be found.

Best wishes,
poppy
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