Struggling mom

[Serendipity4]

  I'm struggling. I'm a highly sensitive person and my oldest child has BPD.  At nearly 22 she has moved in and out of my house for almost 4 years.  She's currently here and of course it's stressful.  Single mom, younger kids in the house.  She just told me that "she has NEVER felt loved by me".  I feel like I've given EVERYTHING to my kids, especially her.  I don't know how to not let this illness tear me apart.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Seredipity4 welcome to a place where we all understand - just from the few words you have written.

We understand what it's like living with a volcano in the house, trying to keep some kind of normal life going, trying to support others and lessen the effect on them and at the same time constantly trying to support a loved child while they blame us and take it all out on us.

It is exhausting and can be the cause of our own collapse.

Have you read any of the materials on BPD? How do you respond now when your dd says she has never felt loved?

Just thinking I don't want to jump in with things you already know and try. The biggest step for me was coming here and knowing there are other people out there in the world who are going through the same thing. I suddenly didn't feel so alone and it was an enormous help to me.

Are you at home a lot or out of the home sometime? Are your other children at school/working?

So many questions - sorry!

But sending some hugs . . . ..

[Aurora Lee]

Hi my dear friend,
I hear your pain. It's the worst thing to watch a child of yours suffer. I feel that this BPD family is the right place for you to be. I am new here, but I'm already feeling great relief.
My son has BPD, but I've only just realized this. For years I felt tremendous guilt ("What did I do wrong? Why does he hate me so much?") Like your daughter, he was in and out of our home for some years after college. I also am a single mom, and it was really tough.
Years later I asked, "Why did you hate me so much?" His answer: "I didn't hate you mom. It's just hard not to feel rejected when your dad moves 10 hours away."
One counselor told me: "It sounds like your son has high levels of anxiety." He still does. He still goes into screaming fits sometimes, and I never know why.
Years later I asked him, "Why did you hate me so much?" His answer: "I didn't hate you mom. It's just hard not to feel rejected when your dad moves 10 hours away."
One counselor told me: "It sounds like your son has high levels of anxiety." He still does. He still goes into screaming fits sometimes, and I never know why.
Friends here have given me heart-felt advice, and it is helping to calm me down. My current prescription for me: “Treat myself very kindly. Do things that help me feel happy. Set aside time for me to rest and relax.”
I wish you well, my new friend.
Please keep in touch.
Sending hugs—
Aurora Lee

[Serendipity4]

Sancho & Aurora Lee
Thank you so much.  It is huge to know I am not alone.  I have cried harder the past several nights than I have in a long time.  I keep trying but it's not enough, it doesn't make a difference with dd.  In fact, the harder I try the worse it seems. She plans to move away, a long ways away, in a month and I wonder if that excitement is also worry from her?

Yes, I am gone at work during the day but she seems to sleep all day and be up all night.   One sibling at college, 1 doing virtual school from home, 1 in school during the day.  Needless to say the whole house is topsy-turvy. 

I have read lots of info/books about BPD and it is so hard to understand, there seems to be no rationale to it.  Sancho, as you said, I am very near my own collapse.

[normal person]

I am in the same situation. I am very sensitive myself, possibly BPD traits myself with being highly sensitive, sometimes depressed,not really sure about myself etc. I struggled for a while until I finally gathered strength to visit GP and psychologist and now take anti-anxiety medicine myself. I do feel my BPD daughter has done it to me, but it's OK, at least I can now function and have massive don't care when she abuses me, I have my life back, I enjoy life. I also have emotional support Labrador and I do gardening to have joy in my life . I can't fix her, I can only pray she stays safe and hopefully grows out of it.