New here...

[PeaceSeeker8220]

Hello,

This is my first post. I just found this community today. I have a 20 year old daughter with BPD, diagnosed this year. I had never heard of BPD prior to her diagnosis. I find myself in pain for my daughter and her new reality, and for myself, my husband and my other daughter as well. Questioning my parenting of course. Questioning every move I make, because, as you all know, everything I do and say seems to be wrong. We were always so close, we did so many things together. Now it's like I don't know her. Mourning this like a death of sorts.

Now she wants to move to Miami from Scottsdale, with a friend. Ugh. Mistake of epic proportions. Wants to be a bottle girl in the clubs. New level of anxiety unlocked.

You know you love your children, but the depth of our love for them has come to light since all this, seeing her in pain has broken me, but it's breaking her even more.

Thank you all in advance for your support on this forum. Its nice to have this place to come and not feel so alone.

Peace

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[kells76]

Hey PeaceSeeker, just want you to know you're seen here, on Christmas Eve.

It sounds difficult to face this first Christmas since she's been diagnosed, though I'm sure previous years weren't "easy", either.

I'm so glad we can be here for you. Support means a lot, especially around the holidays. Are you able to be with your husband and other daughter this week?

Make a little time for yourself, just for you, over the next few days -- it can even be something "small", like sitting on the porch for a minute, or taking extra time in the shower. So often when someone in our lives has BPD, much of our energy and focus goes to them. Let's put a little back on ourselves, so we can have the strength to face tomorrow.

Post more of your backstory and challenges whenever works for you; for now, we're glad you reached out.

kells76

[Sancho]

Hi Peacmaker. Glad you found bpdfamily. It is a place where people understand the journey with a loved bpd child - when everything you do is wrong, the abuse sometimes, the feelings of guilt.

It took a long time for me to understand the dynamic. The bpd person needs to blame in order to avoid feelings of intense blame and worthlessness themselves. When you are constantly blamed, a genuine person questions themselves to see what they have done - so it becomes a cycle of blame/guilt/try to help/blame/guilt.

The emotions are so intense too.

In relation to the guilt issue I found the C's very helpful as a mantra: I didn't cause it; I can't cure it; I can't control it.

I wonder if your daughter is following the friend into the new venture. My bpd dd just seems to merge with whoever she is with. It is painful to watch.

Coming here is always good for me - I don't feel alone when I do. I hope you feel supported here and know you can 'unload' whenever you feel overwhelmed.