Starting the new year with a bang

[formflier]

My head is still spinning, we had such a good morning and then trying to locate some oatmeal I had told her I was going to come back in a few minutes and eat...turned nuclear. 

I was NOT asking because I wanted to eat the oatmeal I made...I was trying to crucify her and show here I don't appreciate the work she does and I stole her gun and sold it.

Just got off about an hour chat with my P...I'm somewhat in a better headspace...but this stuff is DEMORALIZING...no warning..just boom.

Best,

FF

[ForeverDad]

Time to stock up...  Both Sams and Costco have 10 pound boxes of Quaker oats for under $10.  I spin them in a blender so I can cook with oat flour... oats, milk, cinnamon, brown sugar and vanilla.

Of course, avoid that and it'll be something else just as triggering.

[BigOof]

I hope you at least got to keep the money for selling her gun...heh heh

[formflier]

Oh yeah.. kept it and spent it all in one place...


It's pretty much over.  She apologized... Kinda.

More updates in a bit.

Best,

FF

[Woolspinner2000]

Did you spend it all on oatmeal and not tell her? 

Sorry for the turmoil! One of the hardest things about BPD or disordered partners imho is the unpredictability of their moods. I felt like I was trying to tiptoe around landmines.

Hang in there FF.

Wools

[formflier]

One of the hardest things about BPD or disordered partners imho is the unpredictability of their moods. 

Thanks wools...

Several years ago I made a decision that I was going to quit tiptoeing...quit worrying about it (very different from purposefully setting off a mine)...and overall that decision has been a net positive...

However...

When I do find a landmine...there are rarely "glancing blows"...I end up stepping right on it and...kaboom.

My P helped me see how my wife took my "disappointment" over the moved/washed...whatevered oatmeal and applied that to her "core wound".  (my wife was the unwanted child...her family consistently let her know this growing up..ugg)

And really...there is not way for me to express "disappointment" with her without risking the landmine.

My learning point for today is that I need to pick a period of time after my wife and I have conversations where she is vulnerable and open...that I just let everything go...everything.

Because my wife needs time to reorient herself.

Exhausting stuff.

Oh by the way...I'm typing this as I am enjoying a relaxing dinner by myself at a local buffet place.

And yes...paying for it with "gun money"..  hehe

Best,

FF

[formflier]

So...is it ok to hijack my own thread and talk about oatmeal for a while?   

I'm about 6-8 months into trying to always eat some for breakfast...I'm giving it positive reviews for helping keep me steady until lunch.

I usually make a cup of the stuff you have to cook on the stove for 5 minutes..and then let it sit for a few minutes before eating.

I don't mind "plain"...but I really enjoy the variety that comes with making a bowl of instant flavored oatmeal and mixing a little bit of that in with my plain and then maybe some fresh fruit...it goes from something I "don't mind" to something I look forward to.

Anyway...I also like to have it hot and I don't like to rush eating..so I split what I make it two portions.  I leave half in the pot, covered on the stove to keep warm and can nuke the rest of the instant again in the microwave if needed.

That way I can relax over breakfast and not worry about it getting cold.

What my wife tossed out was the instant...before I left the room to eat my first potion I scooted the bowl of instant right next to the pot of plain and told my wife I would be back in a few minutes and finish my the oatmeal.  She kinda said ok and I wandered away to eat portion 1.

Coming back in the kitchen I was surprised to see the small bowl gone and really..was just hunting it when I first asked my wife about it.  One or two back and forths and then she said there was nothing in the small bowl so she washed it out...the she said there was "only 5 flakes in there".

I said I wouldn't quibble about how many flakes...but the point of my speaking to her earlier was to say I was planning on eating whatever was left there...be it 1 flake or 1000.

And...kaboom...

Best,

FF

[formflier]

OH yeah..back to my hijack..would like to hear more about this blender oatmeal mixture.

Sounds yummy.

You blender it prior to ever cooking it?

Best,

FF

[ForeverDad]

In my volunteer days I ate oatmeal a couple times a week that was cooked in water and I added brown sugar, I was young and healthy then.  I wasn't keen on the consistency and so in later years I would pour a good portion - dry - into the blender and in a few seconds I have coarse oat flour.  I figured it would cook more smoothly?  For variety I could eat it both ways, but I do like adding milk, cinnamon and vanilla.  Costco sells real vanilla pints, price has dropped recently, and spicy Saigon cinnamon.

[Cat Familiar]

Jumping in on the oatmeal thread. I love to microwave regular oatmeal. One part oats to two parts water, then three minutes in the microwave.  Perfection.
That said, either use a very tall bowl so it doesn’t boil over or check it several times while it’s cooking. I’ve found that it helps to let it soak for a few minutes first before microwaving it.

Then I add butter, raisins, maple syrup. 

[GaGrl]

My H and I both grew up eating oatmeal for breakfast. At my house, it was cooked on the stove -- my grandmother did it to perfection -- and then we added a variety of whatever was available. Sometimes bacon, sometimes butter and cinnamon and raisins, strawberries or blackberries when in season in our garden. Yum!

H still eats instant oatmeal most mornings. I do yogurt.

[SinisterComplex]

Did you spend it all on oatmeal and not tell her? 

Sorry for the turmoil! One of the hardest things about BPD or disordered partners imho is the unpredictability of their moods. I felt like I was trying to tiptoe around landmines.

Hang in there FF.

Wools

The mood swings and feeling like you were walking through a landmine field is indeed the most irritating part and stressful part indeed. At least for me it got to the point and I said F  this and F  that. I feel fortunate to not have had any children with my ex wife and I am truly a happily divorced man. Much more peace and quiet. LOL. Oh the tranquility.

Despite what I've said here FF...I still support you. Keep your head up. You sir have balls of steel or the tenacity of a honey badger considering the balancing act you are able to pull off. I don't think anyone could ever question your fortitude and toughness. 

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

[formflier]

Thanks for the support...

FFw laid it on pretty thick this morning with the lovey dovey.  On some level she "knows" and is trying to make up.

Best,

FF

[BigOof]

FFw laid it on pretty thick this morning with the lovey dovey.  On some level she "knows" and is trying to make up.

How are your stress levels and general health?

[Woolspinner2000]

FF,

I'll jump on your oatmeal hijack and wondered if you or anyone else has tried the overnight refrigerator oatmeal? I've seen pictures of it but never tried it.

If you've never tried steel cut oats, there is a pretty good instant brand, I believe they're by Better Oats and come in small packages just like the other instant oatmeal. It's got some nice texture and sticks with you longer so you don't get hungry real soon. They make a few different varieties.

I love oatmeal, and oatmeal cake is also delicious! Mmm...now I'm hungry.

Wools

[formflier]

Never heard of fridge oats...so I went to youtube and where have these thins been all my life.

Will make some tonight..mixed up with some blueberries.

Best,

FF

[Woolspinner2000]

Oh, you must tell us how they turn out! They look so yummy! Full report due tomorrow, FF.
 

Woolsy

[SinisterComplex]

Never heard of fridge oats...so I went to youtube and where have these thins been all my life.

Will make some tonight..mixed up with some blueberries.

Best,

FF

Oatmeal & Blueberries...hey everyone copying my diet now. LOL.

Good stuff and yeah super YUM! 

Cheers and best wishes!

-SC-

[GaGrl]

We use the steel oats instant packets.

You can take the Scot-Irish away from the oats, but you can't take the oats away from the Scot-Irish. They came to the New World with us.