Losing it

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

How many of us..frustrated, angry and exasperated..have just lost it with a partner so that we looked like the crazy one?

Patricia Evans describes verbal abuse in her book but she's really just describing BPD and NPD communication.

Last night was one such night.  UBPD H was badgering me over and over about chores when he said he was tired and wanted to go to bed early.   So I stepped up my pace.  Thirty minutes later, another comment about the bedtime deadline.   Then again.  I finally exploded.  H comes from a family full of NPDs and BPDs, so I let H have it.  No editing. Not all of can do the endless empathy thing.  It destroys self esteem in the long run.

[AskingWhy]

How many of us..frustrated, angry and exasperated..have just lost it with a partner so that we looked like the crazy one?

Patricia Evans describes verbal abuse in her book but she's really just describing BPD and NPD communication.

Last night was one such night.  UBPD H was badgering me over and over about chores when he said he was tired and wanted to go to bed early.   So I stepped up my pace.  Thirty minutes later, another comment about the bedtime deadline.   Then again.  I finally exploded.  H comes from a family full of NPDs and BPDs, so I let H have it.  No editing. Not all of can do the endless empathy thing.  It destroys self esteem in the long run.

[BigOof]

Once upon a sunny morning a man who sat in a breakfast nook looked up from his scrambled eggs to see a white unicorn with a golden horn quietly cropping the roses in the garden. The man went up to the bedroom where his wife was still asleep and woke her. "There's a unicorn in the garden," he said. "Eating roses." She opened one unfriendly eye and looked at him.

"The unicorn is a mythical beast," she said, and turned her back on him. The man walked slowly downstairs and out into the garden. The unicorn was still there; now he was browsing among the tulips. "Here, unicorn," said the man, and he pulled up a lily and gave it to him. The unicorn ate it gravely. With a high heart, because there was a unicorn in his garden, the man went upstairs and roused his wife again. "The unicorn," he said, "ate a lily." His wife sat up in bed and looked at him coldly. "You are a booby," she said, "and I am going to have you put in the booby-hatch."

The man, who had never liked the words "booby" and "booby-hatch," and who liked them even less on a shining morning when there was a unicorn in the garden, thought for a moment. "We'll see about that," he said. He walked over to the door. "He has a golden horn in the middle of his forehead," he told her. Then he went back to the garden to watch the unicorn; but the unicorn had gone away. The man sat down among the roses and went to sleep.

As soon as the husband had gone out of the house, the wife got up and dressed as fast as she could. She was very excited and there was a gloat in her eye. She telephoned the police and she telephoned a psychiatrist; she told them to hurry to her house and bring a strait-jacket. When the police and the psychiatrist arrived they sat down in chairs and looked at her, with great interest.

"My husband," she said, "saw a unicorn this morning." The police looked at the psychiatrist and the psychiatrist looked at the police. "He told me it ate a lilly," she said. The psychiatrist looked at the police and the police looked at the psychiatrist. "He told me it had a golden horn in the middle of its forehead," she said. At a solemn signal from the psychiatrist, the police leaped from their chairs and seized the wife. They had a hard time subduing her, for she put up a terrific struggle, but they finally subdued her. Just as they got her into the strait-jacket, the husband came back into the house.

"Did you tell your wife you saw a unicorn?" asked the police. "Of course not," said the husband. "The unicorn is a mythical beast." "That's all I wanted to know," said the psychiatrist. "Take her away. I'm sorry, sir, but your wife is as crazy as a jaybird."

So they took her away, cursing and screaming, and shut her up in an institution. The husband lived happily ever after.

James Thurber
The Unicorn in the Garden