I'm determined not to JADE

[Tulipps]

For the first time in many many months, I woke up in the night with my teeth clenched firmly and a raging headache. In spite of thinking my emotions are in control, clearly they're not.
I've blocked my daughter, but still get a notification when a message goes to her folder. Last night I read the message - the usual lengthy rant about years of unrelenting crises which are all my fault at their root. She is devastated, "barely hanging on", completely alone, needs to talk and needs my help desperately.
I'm human. I'm her mother. I felt a knife in my gut but waited for the feeling to pass before replying. I'm determined not to JADE and get pulled back in. I replied:
"I can only say that we continue to have a completely different recollection of where we are and how we got here. This is why I will not engage in conversation until there is a professional involved as a mediator and witness. I love you, and hope every day that you are serious enough about wanting things to be different that you take responsibility for change."
Another message followed, mocking my comments and repeating her desperation. I have not acknowledged it yet. 
She may to close to hitting bottom... or not. There could be a new boyfriend and a completely different situation tomorrow. I continue to hope and pray for her.
As for me, I'll focus on living my life and hopefully sleeping better tonight.
Thanks bpdfamily for being here.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi Tulipps
I recognise so much of my journey in what you recount. To be where you are tells of the journey you have been on. Each step in coming to grips with dealing with BPD loved one is exhausting.

I went back through some of my own moments as I read your post. One big moment was realising that the intense emotional moments could change - just like that! My DD would have moved on and I would still be agonising about what could be done!

It is hard to step off the rollercoaster ride, but it is the only way not only to survive oneself but to help the other to ride out the intense emotion and see if they can move towards change.

You have done really well and I imagine where you are now is the result of many painful and exhausting steps.

Hoping that sleep comes and is able to refresh you as much as is possible . . .

[hidingmyself]

I love your response and plan to use it myself: I love you, and hope every day that you are serious enough about wanting things to be different that you take responsibility for change.".
It is so unbearable to see our adult children go through this and to truly get that we are powerless to give them what they need. The more I read here, the more I internalize that we must have boundaries and change ourselves because no amount of money or support of any kind will supply what they need in order to change the trajectory of their lives. If it was that easy, we would have already done it and so many of us have surely tried!