Cousin Jenny
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 3
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« on: February 07, 2022, 12:14:36 PM » |
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Hi all. I am new to this site. I am struggling with my BPD daughter. She is graduating from high school in a few weeks. I feel heartbroken and emotionally drained. She started showing signs of the BPD fairly young. Her dad and I divorced when she was in the 4th grade. She started really having a tough time after the divorce. She was depressed, suicidal and generally difficult to be around. She has been on an anti-depressant for a long time. We started going to therapy when she was around 10 years old. It has been a roller coaster. I have felt a tremendous amount of shame for my feelings. I felt guilty for struggling so much with her & feeling resentful. I started to not even want to be around her. I couldn’t take her places because she would throw a tantrum if she didn’t get her way. She would sulk and cause drama. Life with her has been a constant stream of never ending drama, tears, threats of suicide, acting out, yelling/screaming, sulking, lies all the time, no empathy, makes hurtful comments, getting in trouble, stealing, sneaking around, drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, STD and pregnancy scare, she can’t keep friends or a job. She says doesn’t care about me or herself or anyone. She has very low empathy of anyone. She seems to even hate herself. She just wants to do whatever she wants. She acts horrible and begs me to kick her out. I thought she was just being a teenager and having a hard time with the divorce. I didn’t know until this year that her behavior was abusive. She had moments that were ok and even fun but I always knew around the corner was something awful. I thought I just had to put up with it, set boundaries and keep trying harder. I thought if I just loved her enough she would grow out of it. Her dad I shared custody, week on week off for years. Last March he remarried and his new wife was not having any of our daughters terrible behavior and she moved in with me full time. Our relationship deteriorated and our home felt like a prison. I had no breaks, no breathing room like I used to have. She fell apart after she left her dads house. She cried endlessly about feeling abandoned. I don’t even know the whole story about what happened and why. He and I have a very strained relationship. My therapist thinks he may be a narcissist. Once she moved in full time I started having health problems, started drinking a glass of wine every night just to get through the nights with her, and I was just drained all the time. I have been miserable. I switched counselors and started making headway with my own mental health. The counselor was also seeing my daughter and helped us set boundaries/house rules that she inevitably broke. My daughter seemed to get worse. I felt like a prison guard. She started acting out more, getting into more trouble, making terrible choices. If she doesn’t get her way or feels I am not 100% on her side or even disagree with her she flips out. I ended up having to take her to the ER due to threats of suicide again. Our counselor diagnosed her with BPD. The mental hospital put her on an anti-psychotic and a sleeping pill. She came home and did ok for a week or so and then was right back at it. She has a much older boyfriend she has been sneaking around with. It just got out of control the more I held to the rules and boundaries we set with the counselor. I really thought I was losing my mind. We ended up having a mega fight last weekend and she packed up her stuff to go back to her dads. I feel so ashamed for how bad our fights get. I yell too. I have to constantly just walk away. It’s so bad. She’s gone and won’t talk to me. She says she hates me, that I am toxic and to leave her alone. I can’t even talk to her anymore. She just screams and cusses and says the craziest things. She has villainized me completely. I do not understand how she can think this way. I have tried so hard, given her everything I could, loved her, listened to her, spent time with her, encouraged her, taken care of her physical and emotional health as best I could. I planned so many trips, and nights/weekends out doing fun things. I tried to make her life wonderful. She is now moving in with her boyfriend, who is a complete scum bag and a loser. She is not going to college - which is just heartbreaking. I have worked so hard with her on school work, ACT prep, college applications. She says I forced her into it all. She acts and thinks like a child. Guys, I just feel gutted right now. I have tried so hard for years to be a great mom. I thought I was doing everything right. I don’t know if I will ever hear from her again. I have done everything I can. To be really honest, and this is awful, but I feel relived to have the house back, to have space from her, to feel normal again. I love her and want her to be well but not at my expense. Even though I do feel a little better, I worry about her and feel sick to my stomach. I’m working with my therapist and bought a few books to start to navigate this new path. Another twist to this story is that my mother has BPD and I was diagnosed with complex PTSD and have been doing EMDR therapy for nearly two years to work through my own issues. It’s hard not to feel so guilty that my history and issues have contributed to my daughters current situation. Thanks in advance for support, comments, anything anyone can do to help. I need to dig into the boards and start reading some of your posts.
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