Adult son has BPD

[Parents! Get help here!]

Hi everyone I'm new here. My adult son refuses medication, in house therapy etc so he is very dependant on us. He primarily lives at home and if he's working will call up in a crisis. When he's home it's exhausting with the eggshell walking, constant reassurance, trying not to react Incase that sets him off, it's put huge stress on our marriage, no privacy, he lacks boundaries, and if we are having a conversation, he's always listening in to catch us out if he thinks we are talking about him, or he chimes in to something we are discussing from other end of house (it's a small house) we can't ever get frustrated about things as he thinks it's always about him and we are unable to implement rules because he pushes the boundaries and we are literally on our knee's, stressed to max, I cry everyday and not sleeping properly. Having to watch every word said is exhausting and he's threatened suicide more than once, we stopped him once, and another time someone else did. I don't know what to do and we feel trapped. We thought we could have our time at this age, bit now it looks like he will always live at home. He doesn't always follow rules and we don't set many, so that's hard to live with. I don't have the energy to sit in middle of night while he's crying, suicidal and feeling helpless as he won't get help. I feel my life is over, I'm so down trodden it's tiring on a whole new level. Anyone else relate or in sane situation? Thankyou for listening to me complain

[ParentofBPDAdult]

Hi everyone I'm new here. My adult son refuses medication, in house therapy etc so he is very dependant on us. He primarily lives at home and if he's working will call up in a crisis. When he's home it's exhausting with the eggshell walking, constant reassurance, trying not to react Incase that sets him off, it's put huge stress on our marriage, no privacy, he lacks boundaries, and if we are having a conversation, he's always listening in to catch us out if he thinks we are talking about him, or he chimes in to something we are discussing from other end of house (it's a small house) we can't ever get frustrated about things as he thinks it's always about him and we are unable to implement rules because he pushes the boundaries and we are literally on our knee's, stressed to max, I cry everyday and not sleeping properly. Having to watch every word said is exhausting and he's threatened suicide more than once, we stopped him once, and another time someone else did. I don't know what to do and we feel trapped. We thought we could have our time at this age, bit now it looks like he will always live at home. He doesn't always follow rules and we don't set many, so that's hard to live with. I don't have the energy to sit in middle of night while he's crying, suicidal and feeling helpless as he won't get help. I feel my life is over, I'm so down trodden it's tiring on a whole new level. Anyone else relate or in sane situation? Thankyou for listening to me complain

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[RobertX]

So sorry to hear this and thanks for sharing.  You are certainly not alone.  You are perfectly entitled (and encouraged) to set boundaries and escape the pressure that this is putting you under.  In my opinion getting help and medication is the key.  I have no idea how to initiate this however if your son is resistant.  This is not a reflection of you and you must protect yourself.  What you are going through is a shared experience with so many people.  Others here may have better advice.  Best wishes.

[By Still Water]

Hello and welcome!  I feel your pain. Our adult son also has these behaviors - undiagnosed. He has estranged himself from us, whom he deems to be too conservative and "terrible" parents, when we've done nothing but supported him through all his meltdowns and crises - laughed with him, cried with him. He lives on his own. The rages went back to childhood - also has OCD and ADHD. We've good relationships with our other two adult sons. Are you seeing a counselor, to support you in this terrible stress? Do you have a strong network of friends who can support you?  We're here for you.