Coparenting question

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

 So my ex met a random guy 2 weeks ago and immediately discarded me.

 We have a doctor appointment coming up for my son and it sounds like she is going to bring this guy. I don’t really feel comfortable with him coming into the doctor office on something he has nothing to do with. She only knew him for 2 weeks.

 How should I react ? Just ignore ? Tell the doctor office there I don’t want him in and that way I get documentation of her reckless behavior ? Tell her no - she won’t listen and will JADE me which I don’t want.

[NotAHero]

 So my ex met a random guy 2 weeks ago and immediately discarded me.

 We have a doctor appointment coming up for my son and it sounds like she is going to bring this guy. I don’t really feel comfortable with him coming into the doctor office on something he has nothing to do with. She only knew him for 2 weeks.

 How should I react ? Just ignore ? Tell the doctor office there I don’t want him in and that way I get documentation of her reckless behavior ? Tell her no - she won’t listen and will JADE me which I don’t want.

[BigOof]

Poor guy. You should pity him. Be nice to him. He's about to go through a world of trouble and he's taking one for the team.

Don't be an a-hole in front of your child. That would be doing your ex's work for her, helping her, and proving she's correct.

[NotAHero]

Poor guy. You should pity him. Be nice to him. He's about to go through a world of trouble and he's taking one for the team.

Don't be an a-hole in front of your child. That would be doing your ex's work for her, helping her, and proving she's correct.

No that is not even an option. I already met the guy ( not fast or anything right ?) and kinda propped her up so he sticks. I don’t want my son seeing her with another one next week.

 I just don’t really want him into my sons business the first two weeks. I don’t know anything about him neither does she.

[BigOof]

Unless you have a morality clause, you can't do much other than being the best father you can be. Be a shining city upon the hill.

[kells76]

If it were me, I'd be calling the Dr's office ahead of time to see who they allow at appointments. It's possible that it could be limited due to COVID rules, legal reasons, both, or other. I mean, if not, then the office would have the absurd situation of "anyone who wants to can come to your child's appointment" which obviously is not the case. So, find out the ground rules of who can be there.

Remind me, I know at one point you guys didn't have anything legal/signed (in terms of custody/PP), but has that changed?

Also remember that pwBPD "talk a good game" about "what they're definitely going to do". If it were me, I'd plan for the worst (she brings him, so you have to prepare to manage your emotions ahead of time to focus only on your kid), and hope for the likely best (she just said a bunch of stuff that she believed at the time but won't follow through on it because it takes planning).

[NotAHero]

If it were me, I'd be calling the Dr's office ahead of time to see who they allow at appointments. It's possible that it could be limited due to COVID rules, legal reasons, both, or other. I mean, if not, then the office would have the absurd situation of "anyone who wants to can come to your child's appointment" which obviously is not the case. So, find out the ground rules of who can be there.

Remind me, I know at one point you guys didn't have anything legal/signed (in terms of custody/PP), but has that changed?

Also remember that pwBPD "talk a good game" about "what they're definitely going to do". If it were me, I'd plan for the worst (she brings him, so you have to prepare to manage your emotions ahead of time to focus only on your kid), and hope for the likely best (she just said a bunch of stuff that she believed at the time but won't follow through on it because it takes planning).

 We do have a PP/CS in place since November.

 Thank you for the input. I think I’m just gonna go and act normal as I always do.

[kells76]

I think I’m just gonna go and act normal as I always do.

That sounds like a winning mindset. Show up, have 110% of your focus on your child's needs, and let the Dr's raise their eyebrows at your kid's mom bringing her BF -- again, if she even follows through with that.

[ForeverDad]

A perfectly reasonable request is that only the doctor, staff and parents accompany the child into the exam room.  Mom's BF can wait in the lobby or waiting room, if he comes.

I do agree a call to the doctor's office is appropriate to determine office policies and how they handle such situations.  Doctors do not want conflict in their offices, and they ought to be understanding when a parent has concerns.

[NotAHero]

Thank you for all the replies.

 I wouldn’t have worried as much if it wasn’t a 2 weeks relationship with this guy we don’t know.