'Faking' pain. An underestimated part of BPD?

[T0M]

I always suspected my GF with BPD 'faked' her neck and lower back pain. She would ask for a massage (not every week, but almost every day) because her neck was "killing  her" or she could not sit on a certain spot in the sofa, or stand for to long...

And I put the word fake between brackets, because I do believe it is real for her.

But now I stumbled on the below article, and it reveals a symptom of BPD that is not mentioned in any other articles I read. Atleast I have not come across it before. It states that people with BPD have a much lower tolerance for chronic pain. 30% of people with chronic pain, are also diagnosed with BPD. 30% of people with undiagnosed chronic pain ( fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder, lower back pain, and irritable bowel syndrome) also have BPD. As only 2-6% of people have BPD.

In the article they speak of BPD as the comorbid part, but it should actually be the other way around.

Reasons why they suffer more might be:
- Attention seeking
- Access to medication
- Victimizing/ dramatization
- Impaired self-regulation

So does anyone have a BPD partner that suffers from a chronic pain? My GF has the neck and back pains and irritable bowl syndrome. Both of them are un-diagnosed.

https://www.reliasmedia.com/articles/63579-the-difficult-chronic-pain-patient-a-case-of-borderline-personality-disorder

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[Jabiru]

My uBPD wife occasionally has back pain, usually after intense physical activity. She saw a doctor but we're still not sure if it's "normal" pain or psychogenic pain. From my own experience with anxiety, I can say psychogenic pain is as real as "normal" pain.

I had to think if I was supporting or enabling my wife with her pain, so I encouraged her to see a doctor. Any thoughts?

[judee]

Yes! On our first date he wore shorts and a knee brace. I remember thinking.. it was not that hot, why not just wear long pants?  I got the impression he wanted me to see it.
He said he had a meniscus tear after a fall during running with his ex.
It was never diagnosed and it didn't show anything on MRI.
However he said that was because of malpractice of dutch hospitals.
He kept wearing that brace for the three months I was with him and after a few weeks an elbow brace followed after a game of tennis.
I couldn't help but feel at times he faked it, to be able to stay victim of, something.
...
The interesting thing is: when I actually got diagnosed in October with a serious condition it filled him with guilt and shame. I had to talk for hours to make it clear to him that it was not his fault.
When I got a bit better, I thought he would be happy for me but instead he said  that that was 'proof' that he was the cause of my illness. (we had a pause for a couple of weeks).
If this is how BPD minds work, it explains why they would exaggerate/invent illnesses themselves, to cast off shame/guilt and remain victim.

[thankful person]

Interesting topic. When I first met my wife online she was regularly self harming very severely. I’ve never seen scars worse than hers. But she didn’t tell me of her chronic back pain until we were actually together. One of the first things I noticed about my wife was her extreme discomfort on a daily basis… hurting, being uncomfortable in bed, on sofa, too hot, too cold, clothes irritating her. Period pains would be a whole day of crying and wailing, however to be fair she has now said that child birth was the same pain and no worse, which other people don’t agree with. My wife had suffered horrendous sexual abuse as a child, and it seemed to me that she just couldn’t bear anymore, like all her lifetime of tolerance was used up during the abuse so she could not bear being a bit hot for example.. It did seem at odds with the self harm, however I can understand it. I do relate to bpd, and as a teenager I may even have got a diagnosis had I seen a doctor who recognised it. A few years ago following a motorcycle accident, I was left with chronic pain and shoulder injury, frozen shoulder and impingement, which lasted for years. I was in constant pain, unable to get comfortable in bed so barely slept, and unable to do the things I enjoyed. It was enough to drive anyone over the edge. And I did have thoughts of self-harm, and suicide, anything to distract from the shoulder injury.
But I have noticed that since I have generally recently changed my behaviour towards my wife, she is still complaining of back pain but interestingly no longer screeching at me about how it’s my fault because I should have bought a new bed and sofa and I should have something to say or suggest etc etc. Sometimes I now walk away when she is going off on one, and in our circumstance, where I’m now strong enough to do this, it seems to be eliminating most of the behaviour. I don’t think her pain is fake, I just wish she could know how much pain I’ve been in without complaining or screeching at anyone.

[T0M]

Interesting topic. When I first met my wife online she was regularly self harming very severely. I’ve never seen scars worse than hers. But she didn’t tell me of her chronic back pain until we were actually together. One of the first things I noticed about my wife was her extreme discomfort on a daily basis… hurting, being uncomfortable in bed, on sofa, too hot, too cold, clothes irritating her. Period pains would be a whole day of crying and wailing, however to be fair she has now said that child birth was the same pain and no worse, which other people don’t agree with. My wife had suffered horrendous sexual abuse as a child, and it seemed to me that she just couldn’t bear anymore, like all her lifetime of tolerance was used up during the abuse so she could not bear being a bit hot for example.. It did seem at odds with the self harm, however I can understand it. I do relate to bpd, and as a teenager I may even have got a diagnosis had I seen a doctor who recognised it. A few years ago following a motorcycle accident, I was left with chronic pain and shoulder injury, frozen shoulder and impingement, which lasted for years. I was in constant pain, unable to get comfortable in bed so barely slept, and unable to do the things I enjoyed. It was enough to drive anyone over the edge. And I did have thoughts of self-harm, and suicide, anything to distract from the shoulder injury.
But I have noticed that since I have generally recently changed my behaviour towards my wife, she is still complaining of back pain but interestingly no longer screeching at me about how it’s my fault because I should have bought a new bed and sofa and I should have something to say or suggest etc etc. Sometimes I now walk away when she is going off on one, and in our circumstance, where I’m now strong enough to do this, it seems to be eliminating most of the behaviour. I don’t think her pain is fake, I just wish she could know how much pain I’ve been in without complaining or screeching at anyone.

Hello Broken Person,
The article indeed says that people with BPD can deal better with self inflicted and/or short periods of pain, than the average person. If you ever have time, it is an interesting read.

I recognize what you say. My GF complains how uncomfortable my sofa is an that it is really bad for her back. Also my chairs are not ok and so on. But She refuses, when she is working from my place, to go and sit on my ergonomic office chair when I offer it to her. She also refuses to sit in the semi-comfortable spot in the sofa. As if she rather is in pain than that she has nothing to complain about.

She also complains about my mattress. So I both exactly the same mattress as she has. But now it is the bed. 

[ILMBPDC]

In my own healing journey (from CPTSD) I have come to learn that chronic pain can be a result of trauma.

From an article on the Pathways Health website:
Those who have experienced trauma may be easily startled, constantly on the lookout for potential threats (also known as hypervigilance). They may be very anxious and find it difficult to relax. These hyperarousal symptoms can cause very tense muscles which can be painful and contribute to chronic pain. This state of hyperarousal also perpetuates the stress and pain cycle.

Pain hypervigilance is a common symptom of chronic pain and can wire the pain response deeper. By being hypervigilant about our pain, we are feeding back to our brain that it should continue producing pain messages. Since those who have experienced trauma are already hypervigilant, they’re more inclined to become hypervigilant about their chronic pain

I am also starting to understand that BPD is likely just an advanced form of CPTSD. I had an interesting conversation on the CPTSD subreddit with someone who is working on their PhD related to trauma and this was their take:
CPTSD and BPD are pretty much next to each other on the spectrum of complex trauma responses, which goes something along the lines of single incident PTSD, CPTSD, BPD, OSDD, DID. This is part of the theory of structural dissociation, which would propose that each of these conditions involves different extents of dissociation between aspects of yourself. So I don't really find it meaningful to differentiate between the two conditions (BPC/CPTSD), I find it more effective to focus on the cause of the difficulties someone is having.

So, yes, chronic pain can be part of BPD due to the way trauma is held in the body. I'm reading a super interesting book called "The Body Keeps the Score" about exactly this topic and it goes into studies and brain scans and the physiological reasons all of this, its been super interesting.

As for my ex - yeah he had some chronic pain - his left knee and migraines mostly. Interestingly he claims his migraines disappeared after a bout with covid.

[Liren]

Interesting.  I've only just recently broken up with my uBPD husband, so I'm a little raw right now.  But one thing I've noticed in our almost 20 years together -- he always "mirrors" my illness or pain.  Whenever I got sick - like a minor cold - he would get "sick" too.  Now, of course people living in the same house are going to pick up the same illnesses, so I didn't think much of it.  He tends to get ill a lot anyway (poor self care and refusal to seek treatment).  But I always noticed that in the rare times >I< said I had a sore throat or stomach problems, he would have the same symptoms.  A couple of times I "faked" it, just to check, and yep, he instantly has my "illness".  Also, things like sore neck, carpal tunnel, etc.  He probably would have liked to have surgery when I did, but it;s rare for a man to need a hysterectomy!

[Cat Familiar]

He probably would have liked to have surgery when I did, but it;s rare for a man to need a hysterectomy!

 

My husband seems to have chronic pain issues that migrate from one body part to another. I think some of it is genuine physical pain (well all of it is) but honestly I think he somatizes his emotional issues. Feeling physical symptoms is probably less threatening to his psyche than confronting his emotional problems.

[FirstSteps]

This is a huge thing in my house as well.  My wife doesn't mirror me but she somatizes a lot.  She also has legit and chronic health issues so it turns into a big old mess that I can't figure out. 

[waverider]

Physical pain is a language others understand, inner BPD pain is one others do not. So the former becomes a vehicle for expressing the second.

Much the same way most people use analogies to explain things, to a pwBPD the "analogy becomes real.. ie "it felt just like''" becomes "it was ''.All made the worse by the need to defect all consequences onto an external source/person

[Notwendy]

Waverider, your posts are always packed with wisdom.

I'm going to add that (at least in my own observation)- identifying their own emotional feelings make it hard to express an emotional need- and as WW say, physical pain is one way to communicate their feelings. I do believe they have a great deal of emotional pain and for that, I am sad for them.

But it's their pain, we didn't cause it and we can't fix it for them. They seem to seek external reasons for it and so aren't able to identify it as their own feelings.

Expressing physical pain then becomes a clearer means to getting these needs met and in addition, wards off any accountability or expectations of them. Getting upset with someone when they are in physical pain is unkind. Expecting someone to do something ( like chores ) is unreasonable. Seeking medical help for physical pain is more socially acceptable than seeking mental health, with the unfortunate potential consequence of emotional and physical addiction when empathetic providers respond by treating the physical pain with medication.