Daughter with BPD

[HelenBB25]

Hi All, I have a 29 year old daughter with BPD - high functioning. Where to begin…. We’ve barely talked the past 3 years. Wondering if that’s a common thing? We’ve done a few family counseling sessions together with mixed results. Counselor has “diagnosed” her in private with me but doesn’t want to tell my daughter yet because she’s concerned it will push her away from continuing any therapy. I have 3 daughters. The one with BPD has argued with the other 2 and cut herself off from them at various times (as well as me and my husband). Looking back at the past through a different lens, the signs were there. My father, my oldest daughter, my husband all said something seemed off. She was a sensitive child - cried more than my others over “small things”. She seems to want to cope by isolating herself from family and friends. Hasn’t been able to cohabitate well with roommates, changes jobs frequently, has no tolerance for people that disagree with her. So much more, but that’s my intro for now. I’m curious if others have had similar experiences and looking for direction. Thanks!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Simon1969]

Hi, I'm' brand new here, too.  I noticed no one has commented on your post, so I thought I would just say I'm sorry for what you are going through.  My dd with BPD is just about 17, and we are just now wrapping our heads around the diagnosis. . . it's sort of an informal one based on online research, but it explains ALL of her issues we've been dealing with the last 4 or 5 years.  I hope you can get the help you need. 

[Rachhach]

Greetings Helen 8825,
I am a newbie. A few responses to your post. Yes! Have some similar experiences with our 25 year old daughter with BPD. First, I would say that I also picked up on "something" with our daughter when she was very young that seemed a little different. She was alway easy to irritate as well as very much of her own mind and knew what she wanted. She did well in school, was outgoing but not easy-going, and we thought things were going well with our head strong child. Starting into middle school, though, our self-confident and out-going child began to change and she became extremely self conscious, unsure of herself, and began to withdraw from friends and family and would not talk to me. High school was a very difficult, she was very withdrawn, and she only barely made it through. We arranged therapy for her but we didn't get a diagnosis until after college. She did manage to make it through college, but was often very anxious and had lots of trouble making and keeping friends.

Despite her intelligence, she struggles to keep even rudimentary jobs, definitely has problems with interpersonal relationships, and abuses alcohol and weed. As you mentioned in your post, my daughter's ability to tolerate the opinions of others is a challenge. She dates troubled young men and then breaks up with them (maybe before they can break up with her?).

Let me pass on a few positive things: my daughter currently lives with her brother (although not for long; it's been difficult for him to have her there) many states away from my husband and I. She has begun communicating a little more with us and with some family members. It remains to be seen if she can keep a job for long, but now seems to understand that uncomplicated work is the best fit for her right now.

As I've read more about those with BPD, the emotional pain and self loathing they suffer from, I am able to understand her struggles a little better and am striving to keep good boundaries for myself. My daughter is aware of her diagnosis but seems, understandably so, very uncomfortable with it. A therapist in the past had her doing DBT worksheets but she didn't like doing them and stopped (?). Focus and concentration are issues for her. Yoga has become a significant self care method for her and she takes an anti depressant. I have to hold onto every positive thing that is happening!