New Member

[Kitcat]

Hello,

I am new to this site and I need help I have been dealing with an adult child with BPD and PTSD. She is 26 now and on a very slow trek to recovery. I blame myself for her condition, her moods affect my mood regularly, I get frustrated (never with her) but at the situation. I am sure I am suffering with anxiety and depression myself because of this.  The relationship between my husband and I is strained. I often feel helpless and alone when dealing with her. I feel I am being judged by other family members who do not understand what is going on for my daughter. Fortunately my daughter is in a program now (DPD) with intense twice weekly therapy. She has a formal diagnosis. This is a a long road and it is really tough. Is there anyone out there who can empathize or has any supportive input or advice as some days I feel as though I am drowning in despair and sadness for my daughter.  Kindest regards Kitcat

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi Kitcat
This site is full of people who absolutely empathise with your situation. We can tick off all the things you say - blaming yourself, feeling alone, other family members not understanding etc etc.

This is our journey with a loved bpd child. There seems to be some positive 'turning the corner' for your dd in that there is now a diagnosis and intensive treatment. Now it is time for you to pause, and find some kind of support for yourself. I found my journey has been in steps to a place now where I feel as though I journey beside my dd ie I know:

I didn't cause this; I can't control it; I can't cure it (because bpd loved ones so intensely blame usually the one closest to them, we take on feelings of guilt and responsibility to 'fix' it.

jI have come to terms with bad things could happen as a consequence of dd's bad choices which means I can most of the time control my anxiety by knowing I will deal with it when it happens. (I am completely powerless to guide her choices as they are made not from a rational mind).

Coming here is great for me. I found I was not alone in this experience. I hope you feel that too, and that -at this moment in time - there is a chance for you to take time for yourself, time for you and your husband's relationship and hopefully find an avenue of support for you both along this journey. Sending hugs and thoughts.