Splitting and regression

[Rotten@]

I am really struggling with my anger I spent a long time being compassionate empathetic understanding and patient with her and it hasn’t helped ever ever so now when something happens I am straight away angry because I am so goddamn sick of having the same argument, two years we’ve been together, her longest relationship. My violent X used to use the same emotional blackmail manipulation tactics that she ‘unconsciously’ (even though she is very aware that that is what she is doing)  and it drives me PLEASE READing bonkers because I’m not allowed to feel the way I feel when those things happened to me in our relationship instead I have to be calm and patient and empathetic and do all of these PLEASE READing things for her so she can do better when all I’m getting is abused where is my PLEASE READing compassion and empathy empathy where is my patients where is my understanding I know I shouldn’t expect me from her but I can’t help but to expect some sort of human decency that I fell for in the very beginning of our relationship  because that’s what she showed me that’s who I thought she was and this person who says they I don’t love them or I don’t listen or she’s not being heard because every time she has a meltdown I am instantly pissed off because she continuously blames me it doesn’t matter how compassionate I’ve been in the past doesn’t matter how compassionate I’ve been in the last day if she has a meltdown it’s because of how I’ve just reacted to her meltdown that’s why she blames the meltdown on something that happened afterwards  and I’m going PLEASE READing crazy it is so complex and I have been in a relationship with a narcissist with someone who is violent with someone who manipulates with someone who Gaslight‘s with someone who has no empathy I don’t like this person I’m looking at who I thought I was so deeply in love with who I want to spend the rest of my life with is showing me exactly the same things I learnt a lot of lessons because of the PLEASE READ I went through with my ex because I told myself that I would never never again let anybody treat me or my children like that again. that was the whole point of going through all the PLEASE READ I PLEASE READing went through I learnt my lessons but the hard thing with her is that I have to understand that it comes from her past she’s projecting on me she’s replaying the same situations where she was unsafe before so she can rewire her brain to make her feel like she’s safe now  or she’s finding chaos because that’s where she’s comfortable even though consciously it’s not comfortable I have to be understanding I have to be compassionate I have to be empathetic all while I’m being abused that would PLEASE READing piss anyone off.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[kells76]

Hey Rotten@, really glad you found us and are able to just let it out. I honestly agree with you that the double standards that are so characteristic of pwPDs (people with personality disorders) are one of the most infuriating parts of having to deal with pwPDs. The sense that "oh, the rules are made by me for you, but don't apply to me", and the fact that logic and fairness have nothing to do with it and make no difference... you just hit your limit at some point.

Am I tracking with you that you guys are still together? Are you living together? married? other setup? And am I reading right that you have kids, but with your ex, not your current partner?

I'm wondering if you're at a point in your relationship where you might agree with some or all of the following: "Things are so intolerable that I am willing to try just about anything to make this a healthier relationship, even if she breaks up with me and leaves because I am being healthier" ... ?

I know there's a ton of history and a lot to unpack and work through, so I'll kind of leave things there and give you a chance to reply whenever works for you (no pressure). I just get the vibes that you have bottled things up for a long time and I want you to know that this is a place where you can experience people listening, valuing how you feel and what your experience is, and walking alongside you as you see some different ways to manage these incredibly difficult relationships.

Looking forward to learning more about what's going on...

kells76