Boarders

[Boarderlessmothe]

My daughter I'm very positive has BPD, has gotten not only herself but my granddaughter in a tight spot. Money will fix it but I've now got to fix our only vehicle which will make it so I can't help my daughter. I find that I'm scared to tell my 18yr old daughter that I can't help her cause I am scared she will keep my grand daughter from me. I need to have some boundaries but how the hell do I do that and make sure I'm still there to ensure my granddaughter has everything she needs? I also have three other adult children that I have helped from time to time when I was able so I know that she's going to throw that in my face but that's before I got sick and was working consistantly. I just don't know what to do amd I'm so tired.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Sancho]

Hi Boarderlessmother
Your post is fairly short but it sums up the terrible dilemma that parents and grandparents of a bpd child face. And the tiredness that goes with living with this level of stress - it's just exhausting.

I wish I could provide some answer that would be able to 'fix' the situation. Are you always having to provide for your bpd daughter in order to help both dd and grandchild?

If it was not a pattern that you want to have to do this is there any chance family members could chip in to help out in this crisis? Or do you want to put up the boundary now.

Unfortunately it seems part of bpd that when under pressure and someone - usually a parent - doesn't 'fix it' straight away, there can be withdrawal of a grandchild or withdrawal by both dd and grandchild.

I've been through times when gd was withdrawn. I sat tight and after a few weeks it was situation normal ie gd with me most of the time, dd off and everywhere.  But I have read other posts here where a child does withdraw and stop any contact with the grandchild.

How likely do you think this is? Your dd is young and how much does she rely on you? How can she get herself out of the crisis she is in - if there is a way without your $$ support.

I used to get very anxious about situations but have learnt to put my emotions aside to think things through and try to think sideways to sort out what I should do or not do in any given situation.

Please post again and let us know how things are. The best thing offered here is knowing that you are not alone in the dilemma you face. We share the experience and the pain.