Need Advice: Enjoy LC or Reach Out to Share New information

[formflier]

All in all, it felt good to “take action” to prepare 

Something to consider.  What is the difference to you when you say the above quote and when you say it just the way you wrote it (for what may be inevitable).

The smaller quote above is you doing some extra because you value is you will be a great caregiver for Mom. 

The longer one might be related to "I'm doing this because my sister might..."

Basically...the more you organize your thoughts to be about you..the better.

Best,

FF

[Mommydoc]

Yes FF, there is a subtle difference in the mindset. The trust attorney asked me what my goal was, and I told her it was to make sure I was fulfilling my responsibilities as HC and financial POA and  being a good caregiver by making decisions that are aligned with my mothers needs. I have never previously  felt my sister was a threat to my moms well being, but I might have underestimated her. She might be.    I appreciate the reminder to be driven by values and not take action in “reaction”, so much more empowering!

[formflier]

I have never previously  felt my sister was a threat to my moms well being, but I might have underestimated her. 

Yes..much more empowering to do it because of you.

I would also encourage you to shift to "my sister's lack of emotional regulation" is making care for my Mom so much more difficult.

It's hard for me to imagine a scenario where she is granted actual power and can actually make decisions about Mom's care.

So "threat to well being" (maybe a bit much)..."makes a difficult situation almost unbearable"  (yep...)

Best,

FF

[zachira]

You are not alone in underestimating what a disordered family member is capable of. We just don't think like them.

[Notwendy]

You are not alone in underestimating what a disordered family member is capable of. We just don't think like them.

Yes, I agree. I think our consciences won't allow us to. It's not that they also don't have a conscience but I think, in victim mode, they feel justified in their actions in the moment.

I have never previously  felt my sister was a threat to my moms well being, but I might have underestimated her.

I don't think she's thinking she's a threat to your mother, but more like she has a financial need/want, sees there are funds- and in "victim mode" feels she deserves them somehow. It is possibly a combination of a true financial need with an emotional need. She is probably driven by this feeling, not your feelings or your mother- and so her actions can impact you but she's possibly not considering that.

I don't think the two goals- make sure your mother gets good care and protect yourself through documenting and legal protection if necessary are mutually exclusive. You can remain focused on your values and also be careful about protecting yourself.