Step-daughter is in denial

[Sosad95]

I’m new to this forum and I’m just shattered and overwhelmed with my stepdaughter.  I’ve been her stepmother since she was 4 , she’s now 16,her mother has BPD as well and her relationship with my husband has been completely volatile.
Stepdaughter was dx 2 years ago , she did the classic cutting , suicide attempts. Had 2 admissions to hospital. Did DBT but has been told by her mother she doesn’t have BPD ( although officially dx by several psychiatrists ).   My stepdaughter and I have been close , obviously when she acts out I try to be as therapeutic as I can ( I am RN and try to use the tools I can )
She decided she wanted to live with her mom this last time last year , with visits here.
Recently she was here for my birthday and created a big scene. She also has histrionic personality disorder.   She stormed out because she felt she wasn’t getting enough attention.  Wrote a long text after , stating we didn’t make her feel important . She said we thought she was not “ perfect”….  I’m sure you can imagine the rest.
Sadly her mom did not push continued therapy like we did. So she’s been without therapy for over a year.
In response to her text after she stormed out. I told her we loved her and that I hoped she would see a therapist to help her with her feelings of self worth and self esteem. 
That was a month ago. She’s stopped texting and calling.
Yesterday was Mother’s Day and I received nothing.   Not a text , or call.   I’m shattered.  I realize this is her BPD and she classic “ I hate you don’t leave me” but this is just hurtful.  I’ve loved and dealt with all the volatility for years with her and her mom and I think I’ve reached the end of my rope and riddled with compassion fatigue.   I guess I just needed to vent and know I’m not alone.    Thank you

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[livednlearned]

It's tough being the step mama, that's for sure. You're definitely not alone.

My SD was a teen when I met her (or him, since she was at the time identifying as male) and living with her was beyond stressful.

It's tough when you pour your heart out and get abuse or silence in return.

You mention compassion fatigue, and I can see how mother's day would shine a lot of light on all the giving and receiving little in return. Do you feel you would do things differently when she returns?