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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Watching Amber Heard testimony was like listening to uPBDw lecture me......  (Read 480 times)
who_knows11
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« on: May 12, 2022, 09:05:37 AM »

I was immediately interested in the Depp vs Heard trial solely because the BPD label was involved.  When she finally gave her testimony I was mind blown.  Watching her was like standing in front of my wife during one of our fights.  The way she spoke, the facial expressions, the cycle of emotions, all were eerily family.  I couldn't decide if it was funny, scary, surprising, or just more evidence of what I think.  Has anyone else felt this way if you watched her testimony?
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FirstSteps
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« Reply #1 on: May 12, 2022, 01:34:44 PM »

I couldn't even watch her testimony.  Just watching her sitting quietly during other testimony was too eerie.  It's just like you said - it mimicked the way my wife looks so often.  Would be impossible to even describe to anyone outside here.

The funny thing is that my uBPDw is all for #JusticeforJohnny and was playing clips for our son to signal that men can be abused too.  Which is great - she is an excellent parent on so many levels - but so, so confusing for me.  How does she not see?!?
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« Reply #2 on: May 12, 2022, 01:52:50 PM »

Yup. I sent an email to the forensic psychologist (Mrs Curry) thanking her for bringing this to light. 

I kept saying “wow.. wow.. wow” as I listened to her testimony. Definitely worth the watch.
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« Reply #3 on: May 15, 2022, 11:40:56 PM »

It shouldn't be surprising to myself (seeing that I've been on this board for quite some time), but when I watch AH, I feel like that's just my life, this is the same person I'm dealing with. 
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PearlsBefore
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« Reply #4 on: May 16, 2022, 06:33:41 PM »

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« Reply #5 on: May 17, 2022, 09:02:15 AM »

One characteristic of a BPD relationship is when the sufferer is unreasonable and has decided on something utterly counter productive, and is unstoppable.

In many of the audio tapes Johnny begs Amber to reconsider going public with her “evidence”.

One of the services provided in a codependent relationship is a kind partner not destroying your lies. The same “facts” presented to a court to people that expect the truth is another ballpark.

The court is not codependent and does not gain anything from accepting a lie.

You can hear in one of the tapes where she has decided to go public and she is convinced of being believed as she is a woman.

That was extremely stupid, and typical to everyday life with a BPD. I can not recount every time I have cursed, no, no, no, no and been forced to see destructive decisions being put to work.

It can be problems at work, relations, moving from apartment to apartment and so on.

In one of the tapes Johnny Depp just gives up and decides he can no longer protect her from herself or himself from her.

It is sad she has no advisor and she was unfortunate to hire legal help that seems unfamiliar with the unreal world created by a BPD when stressed out.

The crazy story she tells should have been kept between her and a professional counselor until she has received training.

For every sentence in court she damages her reputation and builds a heavy load to carry. It would have been enough with feeling abandoned and seeking treatment - now she will have legal and financial problems as well.

Maybe some radical part of the metoo movement can save her and help people believe her story about a broken nose, being raped with a whisky bottle, walking on crushed glass and had large amount of her hair torn off.

BPD works best behind closed doors. In public it does not fly and is a revelation of “The Caine Mutiny (1954)” - starring Humphrey Bogart.
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who_knows11
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« Reply #6 on: May 17, 2022, 09:40:00 AM »


BPD works best behind closed doors. In public it does not fly and is a revelation of “The Caine Mutiny (1954)” - starring Humphrey Bogart.

This is the perspective I'm starting to operate from in my mind.  Subconsciously I think, until I just read what you posted.  I have basically stopped all attempts to mitigate any problems in the relationship.  She has the same problems with every person in her life.  They are just more intense with me because we are married.  I think in my head I'm deciding if she left and went "public" with her accusations of me that people would quickly see through it because of her behavior.  Then again maybe they won't.  At this point however, I don't care if I am looked at as the bad guy.  Not dealing with it might be worth it
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« Reply #7 on: May 17, 2022, 07:54:49 PM »

I agree that BPD does not fly in "real life".  uBPDh always says how bad I am, and that I have a decent "public" image (i.e. not with him) only because he protects me and chooses to hide those flaws from others.  I think most people know everybody is flawed.  Actually sometimes I wish he would go to others and speak to them about my issues- my extreme selfishness, extreme rudeness, etc.  I'm by no means a "good" person- I have many flaws, but I think others would not think I'm worse than the other person out there, whereas H certainly sees me as worse than everybody he knows. 

To be honest, he thinks this of everybody eventually, it's just that he sees most of me. 

So no, I'm not afraid he would go out and tell people "the truth".  Because actually I know the truth and I think it's just him who has a skewed image of the truth.
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« Reply #8 on: May 18, 2022, 03:17:43 AM »

In my case, every time she speaks about our problems with anyone else, I think the real picture gets clearer for the one she speaks to. It kind of helps to not feel isolated.

I think they can present a facade for a short while, but It has to be broken because they need to deliver their delusional message that no sane person seem to believe.
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who_knows11
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« Reply #9 on: May 18, 2022, 08:16:29 AM »

In my case, every time she speaks about our problems with anyone else, I think the real picture gets clearer for the one she speaks to. It kind of helps to not feel isolated.

I think they can present a facade for a short while, but It has to be broken because they need to deliver their delusional message that no sane person seem to believe.

I think this would happen in my situation also.  Although, so far it seems that she is careful only to share with certain people.  It's people that she knows will say what she wants to hear though.  People she has either already manipulated or that she knows are just agreeable and will "console" her when she vents.  I guess it gives her the validation.  Crazy part is it's people she claims in other circumstances that she can't trust because they are the types to just agree with whoever is talking in the moment even though they will contradict themselves later when someone else is talking.  She openly doesn't respect them but knows they will give a response she can use as evidence Laugh out loud (click to insert in post).  She has never "went public" because she lacks the confidence that it will work out to do so
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who_knows11
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« Reply #10 on: May 18, 2022, 08:19:40 AM »

I agree that BPD does not fly in "real life".  uBPDh always says how bad I am, and that I have a decent "public" image (i.e. not with him) only because he protects me and chooses to hide those flaws from others.  I think most people know everybody is flawed.  Actually sometimes I wish he would go to others and speak to them about my issues- my extreme selfishness, extreme rudeness, etc.  I'm by no means a "good" person- I have many flaws, but I think others would not think I'm worse than the other person out there, whereas H certainly sees me as worse than everybody he knows. 

To be honest, he thinks this of everybody eventually, it's just that he sees most of me. 

So no, I'm not afraid he would go out and tell people "the truth".  Because actually I know the truth and I think it's just him who has a skewed image of the truth.

I relate to this very much.  My uBPDw has made derogatory claims about every single person she has ever known in her life.  I seriously can't think of one person I would say she respects or believes is a genuinely good person.  I wish she would go public with her claims.  I wanna see how she would handle behaving the way she does in the "real world" as opposed to in her sheltered, misperceived reality she live in
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PeteWitsend
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« Reply #11 on: May 18, 2022, 03:45:56 PM »

...

The court is not codependent and does not gain anything from accepting a lie.
...

In this same thread on the "Conflicted" board, I noted that the tactics BPDers employ to dominate a conversation and create their own narrative don't fly in court.

There's a judge there, and you're not allowed to scream at him or her, or refuse to listen to them if they don't agree with you... the judge makes the rules, whether they like it or not, and the judge is not going to let anyone else run the courtroom.

BPDers who don't realize the rules are different in court, tend to have things go against them.  I've heard similar stories when a jury is involved; it's one thing to lie to your partner's face and berate them into going along with it.  In a relationship, you may be able to get what you want, even if you have no credibility with your partner, particularly if they're codependent.

But if a jury doesn't believe you, you will not get what you want from them
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« Reply #12 on: May 21, 2022, 11:41:17 AM »

Ditto.

What makes Heard particularly dangerous is she is very intelligent and highly coached. However, my favorite slip is this one:

https://www.newsweek.com/amber-heards-deposition-slip-highlighted-johnny-depp-lawyer-camille-vasquez-1707661
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